The Power Of Knowing Your Why
Why do you want to lose weight and keep it off?
Okay, let me ask you again: why do you want to lose weight and keep it off?
If your first answer was something related to seeing a new number on the scale or simpy to “feel better,” than you’re doing yourself a disservice in pursuit of this goal.
Regardless of the goal you’re seeing, it will take you longer and be more challenging than you expected.
That’s just life.
Having a clear, emotionally-charged, powerful why behind wanting to achieve your goal will help you weather the inevitable challenges you face on this longer-than-expected journey and help you to remain committed to take action even in the absence of willpower and motivation.
In today’s episode, Paul and Micheala discuss the power of getting to the root of your true why and potent strategies to help you uncover yours. You’ll learn the importance of (and strategies how) taking time to dig deep and develop a strong emotional attachment to your goals to exponentially increase the likelihood you achieve them.
Paul and Micheala talk through how to develop a strong enough why, how to ensure you know it’s emotionally charged enough, and practical tips and strategies to gain the clarity behind why you want to achieve your goal so that you can confidently overcome the inevitable obstacles you’ll encounter.
Episode Highlights
- Gaining clarity on why you REALLY want to achieve your goal is a super power to help you continue making progress when motivation or willpower are nowhere to be found.
- Striving toward goal attainment for the wrong reasons is counterproductive and working against you in the long term: learn how to confirm your why is rooted in you.
- Your why can originate and gather it’s emotional charge from the past or future – understanding where yours gathers power from is important to use it to the fullest potential.
Episode Resources
Read our blueprint to maintaining your weight loss after a diet
Click here to learn more about The 5% Fundamentals Program
Apply to Join The 5% Community
Transcript
Micheala Barsotti:
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the 5% Way Podcast with your host Paul Salter and myself, co-host Micheala Barsotti. What’s going on Paul?
Paul Salter:
Welcome. That was great. I’m so excited to be here and get this episode rocking and rolling.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah, I’m excited. This is a good topic. So I say we dive right in. What do you say?
Paul Salter:
Let’s do it.
Micheala Barsotti:
So today we’re diving deep and just covering why you are experiencing action or inaction when it comes to achieving your goals. So I know most of you know that when you set a goal, you need to know why that goal is so important to you. And while this is a super simple concept, where people tend to fall short is they don’t spend enough time peeling back the layers and gaining a strong enough emotional attachment as to why they really want to change or reach their goals. So throughout this episode, we want to really help you understand just how crucial this step really is. Paul…
Paul Salter:
Yeah. I was just thinking real quick. Sorry to cut you off there. Just had a thought, I imagine and this math does not add up. If you put an hour upfront into goal setting and getting clear on your why, I feel like you would save yourself years of time trying to attain the same goal over and over again.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah 100%. What do you think, with you being so experienced and working with so many clients, why would you say it is so important that you start here to get the utmost clarity of why you need to get super clear on that goal?
Paul Salter:
Yeah, absolutely. What comes to mind for me is that every goal we set, even outside of the realm of sustainable weight loss is rooted in our desire to change our current state in some capacity, mainly related to a feeling, like if we are chasing a weight related goal, we are feeling maybe it’s overweight, unhealthy, unaccomplished, inconsistent, we are fatigued, we are just out of control for all these negative reasons. So every time we set a goal, we are asking ourselves to step outside our comfort zone. And if that were easy, everybody would be fit, lean, sexy, confident, happy, and all of the above, but it is not. So that means outside of our comfort zone is going to present several challenges and temptations to pull us back into our comfort zone. And those challenges obviously are going to be tough.
So the power of the clarity on your why, is that you get to lean on that and remember why you started, when any of those inevitable challenges present themselves, which ultimately helps you to push through those obstacles, those barriers, those challenges, to see another day to take one step closer to the goal you are aspiring to attain.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. For sure. I think even what we talked about last week in the Motivation and Willpower podcast, you’re not always going to have that motivation and the willpower present or strong enough to keep you doing that thing. So when you have a clear understanding of your why, that is what drives you even on your worst day, that’s what keeps you going.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. Such a great point. And what you said in the beginning too, is so key here, emotionally charged, going back with the excellent parallel to last week’s episode, the motivation and willpower are going to wax and wane, but you and I both know firsthand how powerful just emotion and feeling is. It gets us to do some incredible things in life. That’s really where… Not to be redundant with our title, the power of why comes in. When motivation and willpower are nonexistent, you got to have something to keep you going.
Micheala Barsotti:
For sure. How do you know that a why is deep enough? So let’s say, you start working with a client and they tell you why they want to lose weight. They want to learn or they want to lose 25 pounds. What would you say to that why? Because they want to feel better.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. So you have to peel back a few layers of the onion so to speak, the why can’t be superficial. It can’t be for somebody else. It’s got to be completely individualized unique to that human being, but there’s got to be more than just a surface level answer. And we hear this all the time, I want to lose 20 pounds because I want to look good, I want to feel good, I want abs. And all those things are great and can become a part of your why, but just because you want abs, isn’t going to save you time and time again from choosing carrot sticks over Oreos, you’ve got to go much deeper. And we’ve kind of been eluding to in this conversation already coincidentally is like, you need to have an emotional charge to it.
You need to have something that when you are in your darkest of dark moments, which you inevitably will be, as you continue to step outside your comfort zone, that gets you going, that motivates you to push through the impossible, to see the other side, which I’m a big believer and I know you are as well, that success is on the other side of our comfort zone. So making sure you are able to get clear and deep on your why is integral and the way we love to do this is to be kind of a redundant ass hole kind of coach and ask why several times over and over again. If someone says, I want to lose weight to look good, why? Because I want to have a better sex life. Why? Because I want to feel validated. Why? Because I want to find my significant other. Why? You just keep peeling back the layer and you get more emotion in every single answer. And if someone takes the time to do that, holy shit is that an accelerant to reaching their goals?
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah, I think too that it’s important when you are establishing or really digging deep to come up with your why, that you make sure that your why is your own, that it truly is for you. I’ve seen it so often that people try to adapt, they see somebody else who’s successful doing something that maybe is that they want to achieve or that they want to do. And so they try to just adapt to that mindset and what that person is doing, but it all comes back to making it about yourself and doing it for you. So not worrying what other people think about your why either, you don’t have to tell anybody what it is. It truly just has to light a fire inside your soul. Right? To make you better and keep pushing you forward.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. That’s a great point and I’m curious, as I know, you’ve spent a lot of time working with couples in the personal training realm and even the gym and nutrition realm. And is it a decently common practice to hear, even if it’s just amongst that individual, like my wife wants me to lose 20 pounds, or I want to do this for my husband because he or she is committed to a goal. Do you ever encounter that?
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah, for sure. In the beginning when I have first started working with couples, I hear that a lot. And we spend some time peeling back the layers to really uncover why they want to do it for themselves. So regardless of what your spouse wants you to do, if you don’t want to make that change, or you don’t want to do that thing, you’re not going to do it at least not consistently.
Paul Salter:
Absolutely. Because you the individual is the only one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions, your action or your inaction and regardless you might be the only one in the pantry at 10:00 PM when your spouse is asleep, living with that decision or that lack of decision you make.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. For sure. And also too, making it known that your why can change. So just because you had a why 10 years ago that might not be the same why you have now or what’s driving you. Are you pursuing things that used to light the fire inside of you that don’t anymore because that’s common, the context and the circumstances of our life, they change over the years. So maybe you’ve already hit that goal that you were chasing what now?
Paul Salter:
Yeah. I couldn’t agree more, which I love. And you have done a phenomenal job kind of introducing to me to this concept of your why can change. And I’m just curious, if someone’s coming to you with a why rooted in the past, how do you help talk them through, bringing the focus to the present moment and showing that there needs to be a difference. Specifically, I think this is so relevant to our audience because we work with so many moms who their pre-motherhood goals and circumstances are night and day different sometimes to post 1, 2, 3. I mean, we have a couple Five-Percenters with four plus kids, goals are completely different. So how have you found it helpful to bring them back to the present when it comes to refocusing their why?
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah, that’s a good question. First is just bringing the clarity to the fact that they’re not the same exact person that they were however many years ago when they maybe did achieve the goal that they’re looking to now. So just making that aware first and helping them understand that, usually kind of helps and then you switch into identifying what are the circumstances of your life right now? What is it that you are trying to achieve? And comparing it back to five years ago or whatever, what has changed. So what do we have to do differently this time to make it work? It’s really just identifying kind of where you’re at now, always just focusing on the now.
Paul Salter:
I couldn’t agree more. And I think too, what we have found often gets lost in the hustle and bustle of why and goal setting is like, people are so prone and cause we’re conditioned to set these scale based goals. And if we think of the 23 year old, just fresh out of college in the new job to the 38 year old mother of three, environment and circumstances are totally different, but we’re always chasing a feeling. And I think that has been something that’s been groundbreaking in my own communication with others is helping them to bring into the present moment. You still want to feel a certain way. That might look like 165 versus 145 on the scale. And that doesn’t matter. And of course listeners arbitrary example but that’s all about what we need to be chasing is the feeling. How do we want to feel confident, in control, certain, in charge, et cetera.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. I’ve had that conversation over and over again where where somebody is maybe really fixated on a certain number because they know that they felt their best when they were at that number. And so I’ve said to them, if I snap my fingers and you could feel your best, look your best, but you were at the same weight you’re at now, how would you feel? And oftentimes it’s like, they think for a second, it’s like, “Oh yeah, I guess I would be happy.” So it’s okay, it is about more than the number, but it’s again, peeling back the layers and diving deep there.
Paul Salter:
Absolutely. So I’m curious, I’ve got a question for you. Kind of bringing it back to, how can we start having this conversation about the why. In my experience, I think I even mentioned this on a previous episode, one of my most difficult conversations is when a client or Five-Percenter comes to me with a weight loss goal and they’re in no position to diet. They need some time and some work and that’s a very tough conversation, but how have you found it most helpful to have a similar conversation where someone wants to skip ahead to all of the diet related education where like, let’s focus on your why the heck you’re here in the first place? What can you offer our listeners about the value of slowing down and getting clear on your why before you go down that trajectory or that journey.
Micheala Barsotti:
This is so hard because I know I struggled with it too. You’re unhappy with your body. And you just want to jump in and take action now and start the diet now. So for myself and for helping clients in this situation, it’s first making it aware that what they’re currently doing isn’t working. So if they’ve tried, oftentimes they have tried numerous diets at this point.
So I explain to them, the approach that you’ve taken in the past, it hasn’t worked and that’s for a reason, it’s because you haven’t set yourself up for the success that you need to be. And just like we talk about in the community all the time, when you diet, the only thing that really changes is the amount of food on your plate. And when I ever heard you say that once it was just like a… In my brain, because I’m like, “It’s so true.” People think that they’re like, “I’ll just diet for this amount of time. And I’ll change this, this and this.” And it doesn’t work that way, unfortunately. So I think it’s making them extremely aware of what all the habits that have to be in place as they enter into that diet so that it can be more seamless. That’s really where I start.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. I love that. Really helping them gain clarity on that is incredibly important. And I’ll add too, the way I’ve started to describe it, this is only recent too, to be very transparent. Your why is truly the foundation of every, not only nutrition decision you’ll make when it comes to losing significant a weight in keeping it off, but it has a major role or helping hand in your emotional management, your positive psychology, your positive self-talk, your mindset, grit resilience, persistence, whatever we want to label it as. Because I think about it like this, without your why or without a true why, you’re setting these arbitrary calorie or portion goals, because want to lose weight to feel good. And you guys can’t see me, but I’m doing plenty of air quotes right now. And that’s all well and good.
But if your ultimate goal is to feel confident, in control and energized, and you have that clarity, with that clarity and information, your nutrition portion adjustments are probably going to look a hell of a lot different. You’re going to be a bit more mindful patient and make sustainable changes rather than the former example. You’re going to dive right in and go from zero to 60, meaning zero to 1200 calories overnight, cutting all your carbs, slashing your calories and end up with a recipe for failure, unsustainable results. And you’re back at square one. So just as you elegantly said, your past attempts or efforts probably haven’t worked out if you’re trying to battle back and forth with this topic of determining clarity on your why now, and this is exactly why not to be redundant here actually to be redundant because that’s my style. You guys both know that.
But in the community and in the 5% fundamentals program, it’s literally like the week one, one of the first lessons we have people do before they get to the good stuff or the meat and potatoes, is they go through our seven layers of why exercise.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. Why don’t you kind of explain that exercise? Because I think it’s so great.
Paul Salter:
Yeah, absolutely. And it is pretty self explanatory in the title, but it’s really there’s a couple important steps. And the first one is, you have to enter and create first, then enter the safe, vulnerable space with yourself where it’s free of judgment, free of guilt. And you’re not just critical with yourself. You’re patient kind and loving and so you’re in a safe space. And what I mean by that is not only coming into this with an attitude, an intention of patience and grace, but maybe you’re in a quiet room by yourself, you’re in a coffee shop, you’re somewhere inspirational outside in nature and you write down your goal. If your goal is literally lose weight, that’s fine. Let’s take that and run with it, but why? And what you’re going to do, the best way I have been taught to do this and teach others to do this is set a timer on your phone.
We’re all carrying our phone. 60 seconds, maybe 90 seconds and just thought download freely, just word vomit onto paper what comes up and then ask yourself why again, same thing set that timer word vomit. And you repeat this process, asking yourself why a total of seven times. And to be honest, it gets incredibly difficult. You’re going to start racking your brain. You’re going to want to reset your timer. You’re going to feel like you’re repeating yourself. Everything you say is the same as the last one, but you’re going to glean little nuanced differences where emotion is going to creep in. And you’re going to start, saying out loud or saying to yourself, what you have just word vomited, you’re going to notice the enthusiasm, your emotional charge and your goal is to at least answer five wise. Yes, the exercise includes seven, but if you can get at least five, that means you’ve gone deep enough to have a tangible working why to move forward with.
And like I said, it’s been life changing for me and many capacities in many areas of my life and I know it’s one of our most impactful and favorite exercises by both fundamentals members and 5% community members.
Micheala Barsotti:
For sure. But it is hard. I know when I did it the first time I got so stuck after like three. I’m like, all right, but I think too, taking a step away and just allowing yourself, don’t rush it when you’re trying to come up with your why. You might think that you’ve peeled back most of the layers. And then after thinking about it, a couple days later, you’re able to dive even deeper. And that kind of brings me to discussing that you can absolutely set up, what I guess I like to call a temporary why. So if you can’t necessarily see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet. You can shrink it down and focus on your why for just the day or focus on your why for the week. And maybe you create a why for the month or that very workout that you’re doing and you can start to see what triggers you, what motivates you. Your why doesn’t necessarily have to be this big complicated thing.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. Success in life is founded upon the honoring of the commitments we make to our self that often times it occurs just between our two ears, like your wonderful example of a why on a daily basis for a workout, to prove to myself, I said I would do this workout and get it done is why I’m going to push through and get it done. It could be as simple mundane as that, but that’s so powerful when you start stacking those consistent workouts one day after another. Start honoring your commitment to yourself. It has such a positive snowball effect in many other areas of your life.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. I know for myself personally, I spent a lot of years with a very superficial lie. So I wanted to look better and I always thought that if I lost weight, I would feel happier and going back to, if we peel back the layers, I was chasing a feeling. But because I had this superficial goal, I wasn’t extremely clear with myself, which led me to, when times got tough, motivation wasn’t there neither was my commitment to this goal. And when I really did take the time to peel back the layers and understand why was doing what I was doing every day.
If you think that you are going to wake up every day and want to do the thing, it’s just not going to happen. I don’t care how big your goal is or how much it matters to you. You’re not going to wake up every day and want to do it. But if you have that strong enough emotional attachment, if you know the connection of how your life will be better, if you take action and achieve this goal, then you are going to be way more likely to do it.
Paul Salter:
Absolutely. And I’m so glad you said it, because it reminds me, I think this will be another example that’s relatable to so many of our listeners is, I used to feel very similarly if I made a certain amount of money, then I would feel happy. Finally, I can breathe and start living a life I truly want to live. I’ve been talking about and dreaming and thinking about living for so long. And to be honest, it wasn’t until recent, I went through this powerful exercise with my business coach that helped me identify, kind of similar to you. You’re chasing feelings beyond a scale number. I was chasing feelings behind a financial number as well. And I really realized that all I want back is this time or wealth being just the ability to do what I want when I want and know I’m financially secure.
And my financial security needs are a much different number than what I aspire, would love to have, just to pay the bills and get by much smaller numbers. So it helped me really reframe my perspective and say, okay, what I’m really after here is time freedom and flexibility. And you and I, and Naomi were just literally talking about this on our team call today, how we’ve built the 5% Way in ecosystem around our own lifestyles and desires. We’re not here working 60 hour weeks because we too want to live life to the fullest and be role models about self care and feeling, looking, being our best. And that for me going through that exercise and gaining clarity outside of the context of the scale and nutrition was so eyeopening. It’s like I’ve been teaching this and talking about it for so long on, but then applying it in a different avenue of my life.
It was like a big aha moment. Like, “Oh shit! there’s so many parallels here.” And it’s funny because in November of last year, many of you know, I walked away from RP after five and a half years, which was a good chunk of my profit or income, if you will. And I did so with the peace of mind knowing I had the clarity on what my true why was. It wasn’t a financial goal. It was living the life I wanted to on my own terms. And it’s been a fantastic year since.
Micheala Barsotti:
So awesome. It really is such a simple concept, but as most things, when it comes to nutrition, healthy lifestyle, making all the changes, it doesn’t make it easy. So really just if you are listening and you have, whether it be a weight loss goal, or any type of goal at all, taking the time to, great you have that goal. That’s awesome. Now that’s only step one. The most important step follows that. And that is getting extremely clear on how will your life change. And I think that’s more powerful and better way to ask yourself why, is how will my life be different when I achieve this goal. And then you really do start to peel back the layers and understand why it’s so important to you.
Paul Salter:
I love that. That was so well said. I was just smiling and nodding. Wow, that’s a really good point. I never thought of it like that. And too to add to that, everything again, whether it’s sustainable weight loss or outside that is founded upon just like you mentioned, Micheala simplicity. If you heard me mention a million times, monotony. But it’s adherence and consistency and what helps with adherence and consistency can be, will powered motivation. But as we just did a deep dive last week, those wax and wane it’s that why that really promotes adherence and without adherence, you don’t even get a chance for consistency. And if there’s no consistency, there is no progress, no sustainable results. And you find yourself back in square one. Not a good place, not a good recipe for success.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. When you just said that about the mundane, living a healthy lifestyle, it is a little boring. You do the same things over and over again, but you have to start to, it’s cliche to say fall in love with the process. You have to enjoy that in a way. Nobody wants to diet forever people want to diet because they think that’s going to help them achieve whatever goal they’re after. But really as we know and we cater to is the maintenance phase after dieting in this maintenance.
And that is where I think people have the hardest time getting really clear on why. Because when you diet, you know what your timeline is, you know what you’re trying to achieve, you know how you’re going to track it. And then when you enter into maintenance, it becomes this gray area. Restrictions led up a little bit. You may not be tracking as much. You don’t have a timeline. This is now forever. And that’s where people get stuck. And so when we talk about reframing your why, or taking time to revisit, and maybe it changes, this is where it changes because your why, it might not be the exact same as when you’re dieting. It should shift.
Paul Salter:
That’s a fantastic coin to be honest, I never thought about it in that model. I love that, but you’re absolutely right, because you don’t have that tangible quantitative data in front of you anymore. The scale is supposed to say, stay stagnant during maintenance. So you don’t get those hits of dopamine and whatnot. So you really have to use that as an opportunity to revisit your why reframe expectations, goals, et cetera. So that you continue just to be able to have that literally an emotional crutch to fall back on when you do hit these inevitable challenges. And one influencing factor, there’s a really good time for negative reinforcement when used appropriately, it might be related to your why, is like, I don’t want to regain the weight I just worked so hard to lose.
That should give you some fresh perspective. Because you’ve been there before and you didn’t like it, you worked so hard to get away from it. Why would you want to end up back there?
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. And that’s where discipline stems from and it’s spread. It’s from having that clear understanding of why you’re doing what you’re doing. That’s where discipline’s going to show up and become stronger and stronger.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. It’s literally like we talk about in the financial world and this is not me talking like I’m in the financial world. I’m just using this example as in like the compound effect, you put $10 in at 10% interest over time that turns into hundreds and gajillions of dollars if you give it enough time and you keep pumping money in there. What’s the compound effect of your consistency, one workout here, one healthy meal here. You give an opportunity to compound, you feel, look, and you are the best version of yourself. And the way to make that a lot easier is having a clear as fuck why when it comes to doing what you’re doing.
Micheala Barsotti:
One more thing too, I think and I just thought of that as you were saying it is, your why could stem from something that’s positive that you want to achieve, or it could stem from the negative place that you’re in now. Maybe you start to think about and discover, what are the negative feelings that I have now and why do I want to change those? What about my life do I not appreciate or love right now? And that could help you gain more clarity on what you’re trying to achieve as well.
Paul Salter:
That’s a great point, actually. [crosstalk 00:27:05] Absolutely. It reminds me of one of our 5% community members. In our questionnaire we asked, why did you join the community? And one that stands out to me is she literally said that she was tired of food consuming her thoughts, her actions, her decision making. So that was in effect a negative why being utilized in a positive manner, she found herself in this negative state she did not like, surrounded by feelings and thoughts and beliefs that were not serving her. And she did not want to stay there. That was her motivation, if you will. And her clear focus to move forward, to take those hard steps into making small improvements every day and quick little, fast forward update, she’s kicking in the community. So all is going well with her.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. It’s so fun to watch our community members, the mental shifts that take place. But especially with as they gain more clarity on their why, because they just start to be so much more successful because they are so clear on what they’re doing. It’s just so powerful. And it’s just a step that’s often overlooked because everybody as I said in the beginning, it’s like, I know what my goal is. I know what I’m trying to achieve and why it’s important to me, but we don’t actually know that much. There are many more layers that we do need to peel back from.
Paul Salter:
1000%.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. That’s awesome. Anything else you want to add here?
Paul Salter:
No. I think we hit all we wanted to and then something that was a great conversation. The take home is literally like spend the 10 to 20 minutes to get clear on your why. And you will save yourself years of feeling stuck in whether it’s the yoyo dieting cycle or feeling stuck as if you have no sense of control, confidence, certainty, or calm related to your food, choices, behaviors, and feelings. I promise you Micheala echoes me. I know that it is an investment of time that pays off for literally the rest of your life.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yeah. And then once you become super clear and you peel back all the layers and you know what that why is, then make sure it’s visible to you every day.
Paul Salter:
Yes. Thank you. Great plan.
Micheala Barsotti:
Put it on your desk. Put it on your fridge. Make it the screensaver on your phone. Whatever you need to do to remind yourself of that constantly day after day. So important.
Paul Salter:
Yeah. Literally, right now I have a sticky note on my wall above my laptop. It’s my why related to some of the content we’re adding to the community and the fundamentals program. And it literally says, “My why to create with my legacy in mind. I want to serve people from the sustainable weight loss point of view.” And there it is posted above my laptop every day.
Micheala Barsotti:
Yep. That’s something I’ve learned in my Baltimore too. That’s funny. Well, you guys, I really appreciate you listening today. If you did find this episode and discussion valuable, share it with a friend, we appreciate it. Anybody that you would think that they would find it helpful, share it with them. And if you haven’t already, it would mean a lot to us to leave a genuine review and rating on apple podcast or wherever you listen to the podcast. It helps us get out there to more people and to help spread our message to everyone. So we thank you for listening and we’ll see you next time.
Paul Salter:
Have a great one guys.
[…] For more information and tangible action steps you can take to clarify your why, check out episode 169 of The 5% Way Podcast, “The Power of Understanding Why You Do What You Do and How This is Crucial to Long-Term Success.” […]