How to Stop Late-Night Snacking After the Kids go to Bed: An Episode for Parents

Paul Salter:

Hey, 5% Way Podcast listeners. Welcome back to another episode of the 5% Way Podcast with your hosts, sustainable weight loss specialists, and two just awesome human beings, myself, Registered Dietician Paul Salter, and Micheala Barsotti.

Paul Salter:

Today, ladies and gents, we have a special episode dedicated to each and every parent out there listening. I want to be very transparent from the first 60 seconds, and be clear that neither Micheala or myself are parents to humans. We each have our own respective fur babies, who we care about deeply and sometimes drive us absolutely crazy, but we love them very much. We do however, work with parents on a daily basis.

Paul Salter:

After having collectively worked with thousands of parents between the two of us, we do confidently feel we have a fundamental understanding of some of the common nutrition, exercise, mindset and emotional related challenges that being a parent brings, specifically when it comes to establishing a sense of consistency across each and every one of those areas.

Paul Salter:

One of the most common challenges that we’re going to discuss in today’s episode, alongside one of the best solutions that we’ve witnessed to this challenge, is related to stress eating at night, with a particular emphasis on the moment you successfully get the kids down to bed.

Paul Salter:

I’m really excited to not only share what we’ve learned, and what we’ve really actually been able to glean from having so many wonderful conversations with our 5% community members.

Paul Salter:

But I’m also excited to connect with each and every one of you after you’ve listened to this episode. So if you have a question, you have feedback, you want further clarification, I encourage you, I invite you to connect with both Micheala and myself on Instagram, send us a DM at Micheala Barsotti. What’s your handle, Micheala, before I butcher that?

Micheala Barsotti:

@michealabarsotti. Yeah. [crosstalk 00:03:06]

Paul Salter:

Okay. @michealabarsotti and @paulsaltercoaching. I’ll link them in the show notes just to make sure that we’re not a letter or a dot off. Please feel free. Reach out with any questions on this topic, and hey, teach us a thing or two as well. We absolutely welcome that.

Paul Salter:

Before we do dive in, I want to take a slightly different approach to kicking off this episode. It hit me a couple weeks ago just how unique and incredible the one-two combination, or really the one-one combination of both Micheala and I being in your corner, or our respective 5% community members’ corners.

Paul Salter:

It really dawned on me just how cool and unique of a blend it is having a strong male and female presence, a strong male and female who have their own respective expertises and experiences, backgrounds and education that, although share a lot of similarities and overlap to some degree in almost every area, we each have our own unique perspectives of the world. The lens that we view challenges and potential solutions, what’s worked for us individually, is quite different.

Paul Salter:

When you’re surrounded by a community of like-minded women, such as being a part of the 5% community, and both Micheala and I are in your corner, not only do you get to hear and have reinforced very similar messaging, because we’ve both been doing this a long time … Micheala was brave enough to actually be a one-on-one client of mine for an extended period of time before we joined forces. Yet you also get sprinkled in that different perspective.

Paul Salter:

That really goes a long way for further enhancing and ingraining relatability, and giving you, I would say not necessarily more options to consider, but we’re better able, between the two of us, working with you to help you reach your goals, meet you exactly where you’re at, and offer you what we feel to be either the best solution, resource or tool to help you ascend to your best next level of yourself.

Paul Salter:

I just thought that’s really incredibly unique and special, that we can bring such a wonderful blend of expertise, experience, and we’re both pretty funny as well. So you we’ve got that going for us as well.

Paul Salter:

I’m curious, Micheala. Anything to add to that you found incredibly awesome about that combination?

Micheala Barsotti:

I think you really said it best. The only thing better than hiring a coach, or gaining more accountability, is having two, right? We really do have that. And we do bring a little bit of a different perspective to it. We ultimately have that same common goal, but we are just a little bit different.

Micheala Barsotti:

And because I was your one-on-one client at some point in time, I feel like I can really relate to a lot of the members coming in, because I remember being in their shoes and what that was like on the other side. So I can show up as an expert, but I can also show up as, “Hey. I was you not long ago,” so it is cool.

Paul Salter:

It is. It’s the extra layer of relatability, just indescribably valuable. And it just offers too such a unique blend of both masculine and feminine energy, and masculine and feminine coaching, because we each, as individuals, operate on a different spectrum, especially in different areas of our life. Are we leaning more into our masculinity or our femininity? You get a really unique blend of both when it comes to helping coach you, teach you, hold you accountable, and really get the most out of you.

Paul Salter:

If you haven’t yet taken us up on an opportunity to learn more about the 5% community, again, go ahead and DM us with the correct Instagram handles that I’ll include in the show notes here. I’ll also include a link where you can just simply learn more about the 5% community and what we’re doing to help women just like you listening, truly achieve a sustainable weight loss transformation from the inside out, so that you can feel, look and be your best.

Paul Salter:

Onward we go. Let’s shift our focus back to today’s podcast, specifically speaking to all of you wonderful, kind, and maybe funny parents out there who sometimes consider the bedtime routine for your children another workout in and of itself.

Paul Salter:

Whether you have one kid, three kids, boys, girls, infants, toddlers, or a combination of the two, I do feel confident saying that I think it’s one of your biggest wins and accomplishments of the day to get said children down to bed for the night. Like finally actually asleep, not even just in their room, because who knows? 15 minutes later, they might be back in your room, crawling into bed with you.

Paul Salter:

From the conversations that we’ve had with some of our members who are parents, I have gleaned an estimated timeline for this bedtime endeavor to last anywhere from 20 minutes, upwards to two hours on any given night, with each proving to be its own unique challenge with various, and dare I say unpredictable, obstacles.

Paul Salter:

But once the job, like I mentioned, is officially done, and that kiddo has passed out, you want nothing more than to decompress, unwind, celebrate, and bask in the feelings of accomplishment and joy. One of the best ways to do that, that we are so inclined to gravitate towards, is stuffing ourselves silly with something sweet, or maybe it’s savory, crunchy or salty.

Paul Salter:

Whatever your fancy may be, food typically is a way in which we celebrate or reward ourselves. I know it doesn’t really need me to reiterate or repeat, but I’m going to. If we continue to sneak in those additional indulgences every single time we go through a stressful bedtime routine with our children, it is certainly something that is going to accumulate, catch up with us, and ultimately hold us back from feeling, looking and being our best.

Paul Salter:

To really set the stage for today’s episode, I wanted to share with you a firsthand account from one of our moms of two in the 5% community who described her children’s bedtime routine experience with me as follows.

Paul Salter:

6:45 PM rolls around. She’s got two young ones. She begins what she calls the wind down process. As I alluded to, she says that some nights, this process is easy peasy, takes 20 minutes. Other nights, not so much. Could be as long as two hours.

Paul Salter:

Between her two children, her husband and herself, they absolutely feel that they are encountering a new set of challenges every week, if not every day. It sometimes even seems that if one kid is acting a little bit rambunctious, the other feeds off of his or her energy, and now it is two verse two, and those children just do not quit.

Paul Salter:

But whether it’s more incessant [pleaing 00:09:58] for additional bedtime reading, a trip, for the third time, to the bathroom, or asking to have her snuggle her daughter extra until she falls asleep, this particular member reported that this routine can be quite exhausting. This is especially true when she has worked a 10 or 12 hour shift during the day.

Paul Salter:

She shared with me, on one of our one-on-one office hour calls, that when she did finally get each of the kids down for bed successfully, especially on the nights her husband was working late and she was tackling this challenge alone, she often felt exhausted yet accomplished.

Paul Salter:

She learned that she was always in search of some form of a reward for this feat. Even if this was occurring on a subconscious level most occasions, it really took, I think, having a conversation and expressing this verbally for her to realize just how much she was craving something to reward this accomplishment.

Paul Salter:

What we discovered was that, more often than not, her reward proved to be whatever dessert, baked good, treat or cookie was left in the kitchen. Or as she went to prepare her children’s lunch for the next day, it was grazing on some of the snacks and things that she was putting in their lunches while she was planning ahead.

Paul Salter:

But ultimately, she told me that was something that occurred more than just every now and then. It was happening on a weekly basis, if not two or three times per week. If you are a parent with young children, toddlers, infants, or whatever age they may be, I have a strong feeling that you can relate to this.

Paul Salter:

I can also share, sometimes I feel like, after a hard day of work, regardless of the parenting, and I’m sure, Micheala, you can agree too, I too want to reward myself, unwind, and just sit back and relax, and use food to help soothe me and make my heart and my belly full as well.

Paul Salter:

But ultimately, like I mentioned earlier, over time, done repeatedly, it’s going to take us further and further away from our goal of wanting to feel, look and be our very best.

Paul Salter:

I want to draw upon some of the most instrumental or foundational work in the world of habit change and behavior formation, really leaning upon the book by Charles Duhigg called The Power Of Habit.

Paul Salter:

I just shared with you how a late night stress eating behavior may come into play. You go through an unpredictable challenge of trying to get your child or children down for bed. It’s stressful. It’s unpredictable. But as soon as you do successfully get your children down for bed, that sets in motion a cascade of events that typically include grazing or indulging in one way, shape or form.

Paul Salter:

If we use the behavior change model that Charles Duhigg describes in The Power Of Habit, he says, “Every habit is made up of three components. There’s a cue, there is a routine, and there is a reward.” If you can identify each of those components in the behavior you wish to change, you can then ultimately get clarity on what reward you’re truly seeking, trial and error different alternative routines and cues, to all ultimately reinvent this habit loop to serve you, rather than hold you back from feeling, looking and being your best.

Paul Salter:

In the case of childhood bedtime, and late night snacking and stress eating, our cue to really lay the foundation or initiate the behavior is successful completion of putting the children down for bed. Our routine is we go into the kitchen, we make our way to the pantry, we grab cookies. Our reward is a sense of relaxation and accomplishment upon eating said cookies.

Paul Salter:

If this pattern resonates with you right now, please know that you are not alone whatsoever. This is common in almost every human being, but I think more pronounced when children are in the mix.

Paul Salter:

The step to really break free from this late night stress eating and snacking is to first identify and gain clarity on those three particular components of the habit loop. Specifically, you’re going to want to gain clarity around how you want to feel after putting the kids down to bed. Because with this knowledge, you can then substitute alternative routines to help you experience that feeling, and preferably routines that don’t involve mindless smacking.

Paul Salter:

Before we go into that, Micheala, I’d love to bring you in here to the conversation, because I consider you to be someone who I very much lean on learning about the most up to date information of behavior change and habit formation. What really resonates with you about this particular predicament?

Micheala Barsotti:

Well, a couple of things. These are more outside of the box, I guess. It’s not necessarily breaking habits. But something to keep in mind, if this is you, is asking yourself, “Am I eating enough throughout the day?” There’s so much power in having a structured plan that’s tailored to you when you are trying to break this kind of habit.

Micheala Barsotti:

Because I see, and I know you see this too, Paul, our members, our clients, where they go all day long serving everybody else, that they barely even think about feeding themselves. Then they get to the nighttime, and they’re ravenous. They’re using it to cope or to congratulate themselves for what they just accomplished, putting their kids to bed, but they’re also at that state where they’re so dang hungry, because they haven’t been fueling themselves properly all day, that they really go overboard too. So something to keep in mind there.

Micheala Barsotti:

Then also creating guidelines around eating windows can be really helpful too. Guidelines are not rules. But I know for myself, I typically stop eating a few hours before bed. I do not like to go to bed on a full stomach. My fiance, on the other hand, though, on a totally different schedule than me. He gets home a lot later, eats that last meal really late.

Micheala Barsotti:

Sometimes it’s a big pizza, and it smells really good. But for me, I have these guidelines. Usually, I finish my last meal by this time. I don’t really think about eating after that, because I already know I’m done for the night. I just shut my brain off with the food. That’s just another strategy that could be helpful for you.

Paul Salter:

I love that. I love how you just applied it through the lens of individualization. I think to second that and piggyback off of it, you could also take the other approach, where if you notice, just for whatever reason …

Paul Salter:

Let’s say you get the kids down to bed on average 7:30, 8:00. Of course, it’s going to vary by household individual. Maybe you intentionally program a small meal into your foundational approach to nutrition for that window. That way, it’s already part of your normal routine to eat, and obviously, we’re going to make sure there’s some protein and some higher quality nutrients sprinkled in. It’s not just cookies and candy. But that’s still a way to satisfy that sense of needing to feel like you’re rewarded and accomplished through food, but still keeping you on track for your goals by hitting your daily portion targets.

Micheala Barsotti:

Yeah. Super individualized. I think it is some trial and error that you’ll have to go through to figure out what works better for you. Do you get triggered, when you eat that small meal, that now you’re ready to go in the cabinet and start searching for more? Would you do better without any? Or vice versa, like you said, give yourself something.

Paul Salter:

Absolutely. Let’s circle back to our cue, routine, reward example that we’ve been building off of thus far in this episode. As I mentioned, the first step you want to take when you realize that this habit loop is, in fact, in place is really examine, honestly and objectively, what is the reward you’re truly seeking. Do you need to feel affection? Do you need to feel cared for, validated, heard, supported, relaxed, in control, calm after successfully getting your children to bed?

Paul Salter:

I have no idea what the answer is for you, but you do. So you need to take some time to just check in with yourself. What do you want to feel? What adjective or two, emotion, comes to mind to describe how you would like to feel every single night you put the kids down to bed successfully? Because when you’re able to gain clarity on how you want to feel, you’re better armed to appropriately align effective action steps to make that a reality.

Paul Salter:

That’s incredibly valuable, because if you know how you want to feel, you can already write off or rule out some specific behaviors that are not going to bring you that feeling. Therefore, you’re already being able to limit or condense the list of potential alternatives to focus on trying out, to see which ones can, in fact, bring you that feeling.

Paul Salter:

From there, it’s just time to plug and play, to try a new routine for three to five nights, see how you feel, see how it impacts your nighttime eating, grazing behavior, and ultimately, take a step back after those three or five nights, and take an honest objective look at, hey, what went well. What was the impact? What could have gone better? Do I need to try something out? Did it work? Or try something new. Did that work? What’s my next step?

Paul Salter:

But you just need to gather some data with that new routine and see what happens. If you find that trying to read, for example, as a way to feel calm after getting your children to bed, isn’t doing the trick, cool. Now you have that awareness, and you can move on to an alternative.

Paul Salter:

In the example of the mom of two I was sharing with earlier in this episode, we gained clarity that she wanted to feel both productive, yet she wanted to feel as if she was able to start relaxing and calm down.

Paul Salter:

What she told me she normally did is she would take 10 to 15 minutes after she got the kids down, and she would clean up or complete some type of household chore just to get ahead for tomorrow, before then hanging out in the kitchen and mindlessly scrolling on social media, putting on a show or something of the sort. So now, she’s in the kitchen. The temptation is right there.

Paul Salter:

When we gained clarity on what she wanted to feel … Again, she wanted to feel accomplished and productive, because running around with two kids all day or all evening is a very, very demanding task, and leaves little time to get the things done that also need to be done. But she also wanted to feel calm after such a busy day.

Paul Salter:

So what we did is we implemented the following strategy. We were going to take a two step approach to having a better evening routine to wind down and help her still experience the feelings she desired.

Paul Salter:

First, she was going to set an alarm for 15 minutes, and do whatever other chore, household to do, needed to be done, and get that done in that specific time. While she was doing that, or rather right before she set that alarm or timer, she would go start the water in her bathtub. That way, when she was done completing the task for the to-do list, she could then go take a hot bath every evening, to really calm down, get away from the food, put on music, watch a show, whatever it may be, but created a very calming environment for her to wind down, practice some self care, some silence, stillness and solitude.

Paul Salter:

So far, since having that conversation, it’s proved to be really effective. But where we went one step deeper, to really individualizing her routine, was we made variations of it. Because let’s be honest, a bath can be … should be a long drawn out enjoyed process. Sometimes you don’t have 40 to 60 minutes to put a bath together, enjoy yourself, and then slowly wind down. Sometimes, for whatever reason, you might only have 20 minutes.

Paul Salter:

So we came up with an abbreviated version of a wind down routine that would still help her satisfy the feelings of accomplishment and the sense of calm. Instead of the hot warm bath on a night which she had plenty of time, she could opt for a quick hot shower that she has a much easier opportunity to control the time to still wind down. That shower could be five minutes, or on the nights her husband was not working, was home with her, that was an excellent opportunity to bond and connect with him.

Paul Salter:

We had different variations, based on how much time she had available, so she felt confident having a plan, and never ran into a situation in which she was feeling pressed for time, and instead of skipping the routine altogether, just found herself mindlessly hanging out in the kitchen.

Micheala Barsotti:

I think this is really important too. We always talk about the importance of having a strong, emotional attachment to what your why is, what your purpose. Why do you … When you keep talking about gaining clarity on how you want to feel, really reminding yourselves of that in that moment of temptation.

Micheala Barsotti:

Because just because you come up with a new routine for yourself, that’s awesome, but when it comes … After you put the kids to bed late at night, you’re still probably going to be battling the urge to go to the kitchen, for the first few weeks, until it starts to become a new habit for you.

Micheala Barsotti:

So I always recommend too, when you’re trying to create a new habit, track it, so that you can really bring awareness and acknowledgement to your wins. Even if that means three nights this week you nailed the new habit, that’s something to celebrate. Every week, you’re going to build off that. We know that building habits is small steps one after the other. So I think that’s important too.

Paul Salter:

Yeah. I couldn’t agree more. That’s an excellent piece of feedback there. I love the visualization opportunity of tracking a habit. If you have a whiteboard, or something you can hang on the fridge or keep by your nightstand, so you can visually put a check mark or an X or an O, that’ll go a long way.

Paul Salter:

Then, yeah, like you mentioned, celebrate it. Because you shouldn’t expect yourself to go from never doing this habit before, to doing it five or seven nights per week. If it’s once per week to start, great. If you get up to three times, absolutely celebrate it. That will further reinforce it, further ingrain those feelings that you desire to feel

Micheala Barsotti:

Definitely.

Paul Salter:

Well, that is all I have to add on this habit loop, and how you can better break down and manage your evening routine to mitigate the stress eating or any nighttime cravings that come into play that you seek to feel as a reward for getting the children down to bed.

Paul Salter:

Micheala, anything I left out, or you wanted to include here to wrap us up?

Micheala Barsotti:

Be patient with yourself, and be specific with what you’re trying to accomplish. I think that’s just so important. Oftentimes, we know we want to make change, but we’re not specific enough on what that looks like. I think you gave some great examples, but yeah, be patient with yourself.

Paul Salter:

Yeah. Always a great reminder for every one of us, myself included.

Paul Salter:

Well, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, so much for listening to today’s episode. We hope that you found it valuable.

Paul Salter:

Like I mentioned in the beginning, if you have any additional questions, or you wanted to really just expand this conversation … Admittedly, Micheala and I, both not parents to humans, so we still have plenty to learn here. We would love to engage with you and connect with you on Instagram to continue this conversation.

Paul Salter:

If you did find it helpful, share it with another parent who you also think would find this information helpful, because that will make their life easier. They’ll be a little bit better well rested. They’ll be happier and more pleasant to be around. Everybody wins when everyone is getting a better night’s sleep, and moving one step closer to their goal.

Paul Salter:

Lastly, of course, if you have not already, we would greatly appreciate taking literally 30 seconds to leave an honest rating and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever it is you listen to your podcasts. Because that goes a long way in supporting the show, helping has reach new audiences, and further serve women out there who aspire to feel, look and be their best.

Paul Salter:

Thank you again for listening. Have a wonderful rest of your day. We’ll catch you in the next episode.