You’re One Decision Away From A Better Life with Beth Feraco

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I’m excited to share a raw and vulnerable conversation with you today.

Today’s guest is Beth Feraco!

Beth is a Strength and Nutrition Coach, champion of personal growth and development, wife, mother, runner, and a recovering alcoholic.

At the height of her alcohol addiction, Beth was 40 pounds overweight and possessed a collection of unhealthy habits. She was no stranger to dieting, having a long track record of yo-yo dieting, fad diets, and even wearing a waist trainer in an attempt to slim her belly! 

After a scary incident with her children, she decided enough was enough. A few days later, she walked into her first AA meeting and hasn’t had a drop of alcohol since. 

And on her recovery journey, she began working the front desk at the gym, which led to an internship coaching, then being employed as a trainer and a coach, to now running a thriving online company serving thousands of people!

Beth is well-known for her ability to call out the unfathomable amount of nutrition and fitness BS on the internet. She has a massive Instagram and TikTok following, and a stellar podcast called “Cut the Crap.”

In today’s conversation, we run the gamut of topics including alcohol addiction and recovery, common mistakes you’re making when trying to achieve sustainable weight loss, the power and necessity of proper communication with your significant other, the power of Community, and how essential personal growth and development is.

Start listening!

Connect with and Learn from Beth:

Thank you for being here.

If you found today’s episode valuable, please share it with a friend or family member who would benefit from hearing today’s message.

Follow me on Instagram – @paulsaltercoaching 

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Episode Key Highlights, Quotes, and Questions:

  • “I think it was hitting that rock bottom for me, driving home and realizing that if I didn’t make a change, you know, you’re always one decision away from a different life. And I really had this strong feeling that if I was to continue, it would not be good.”
  • “Yeah, because I always tried to quit before and it just never worked. I always went back. So it was like, okay. And the thing is, there’s so much shame with the whole I’m an alcoholic thing. So that kind of held me back, too. I’m like, I know I need help, but if I walk into an AA meeting people, what’s the town going to say? People are like, will I see people that I know?

    But at that point, it’s like okay, I don’t care anymore because it’s my life that’s at stake. If I wasn’t to go in there, what other choice I’m going to have? No one’s doing any intervention here so I need to do it for myself. Even though I craved someone just to tell me to stop.”
  • “I think communication is huge. And then just asking him for his support. And I was like, “For now, do you mind not drinking?” He wasn’t really a drinker anyway. If he drank it was because I was, and so he never drank at home. Still, he doesn’t drink at home, if he does, which is rarely. So he’s very supportive in that aspect.”
  • “Just meeting other like-minded people, because alcoholism is very isolating. You feel like no one else feels the same way I do. And I think just going somewhere that everyone felt the same way, you’re like, wow, I’m really not alone. That really helped, and having that community. And then also going to group classes, meeting other moms, other stay-at-home moms, other working moms, that helped tremendously. It’s like you have that support. Rather than being alone, isolated, then you have support.”

Questions I asked Beth include:

  • “You’re a champion for alcohol addiction recovery – tell us more about your story and experience with alcohol. Tell us more about the parallels and similarities related to food addiction and those stuck in the weight loss-regain cycle.”
  • “What are two or three of the most common mistakes your clients are making, that, if quickly fixed, make a huge difference in their ability to achieve sustainable results?”
  • “You describe yourself as a champion for personal growth: what does this look like for you and why is it important for everyone, especially moms listening?”
  • “You’ve gone from stay-at-home mom to full-fledged life-changing business owner – how do you still make the time for yourself?”
  • “You and I both know there’s an abundance of BS in the health and fitness industry. You’ve made it your mission to cut through the BS. Why is this commitment so near and dear to you?”
  • “You can do hard things.” What do you mean by this and how has it become your mantra?

How I Can Help You:

I help women over 30 lose weight and rebuild limitless confidence so that they never have to diet again. 

To date, I’ve personally coached more than 1,500 women and helped them to collectively lose 10,000+ pounds of body fat and keep it off for good, while simultaneously empowering them with the education, strategies, and accountability needed to feel and look their best. 

Click here to learn more about how I can help you.
Follow me on Instagram – @paulsaltercoaching

Transcript

Paul Salter:

Beth, how are you today?

Beth Feraco:

Hi, Paul. I’m good, thank you.

Paul Salter:

I am so, so happy you’re here. So excited for this conversation.

Beth Feraco:

I am, too. I am, too. This is awesome for me, considering that I’ve been following you for a long time and have looked up to you. So this is huge for me. I’m like, I’m doing a podcast with Paul Salter. This is amazing.

Paul Salter:

Well, I mean I feel the same way. I’m doing a podcast with the Beth, like this is freaking awesome. It’s coming full circle for both of us. So I appreciate you being here.

Beth Feraco:

That’s what happens. Yeah, thank you.

Paul Salter:

And when I record the intro for this, I’m going to talk you up and share all of your credentials, your expertise, because you’re serving millions and helping so many people. But I also just want to dive right into the good stuff, because you have so much wisdom to share. And the way I’d love to kick this conversation off, Beth, is you’re really a champion because of your own experience for alcohol addiction, recovery, and sobriety. And I was hoping you could share a little bit more with our listeners about your story, your experience with alcohol, and how it was ultimately the catalyst to get your health to be priority number one.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah. Where should I start? I guess I could start how I decided to quit alcohol.

Paul Salter:

Yeah.

Beth Feraco:

So I had three really huge people in my life pass away when I was 18 years old. So my friend Adam got in a car accident and died, and then my friend Max shot himself at a party we were at, in the backyard. I didn’t witness it. But anyway, that’s another long story. But these happened within six months of each other. And then my father passed away four days before graduating high school. So here I am, 17 years old, lost three important people in my life.

So from there, I didn’t really deal. So I moved from state to state, moved to Florida, moved to California, moved to New York, kind of just moved, thinking another state would make me feel better. So I guess I bartended throughout my twenties into my thirties. So I lived the bar life, and living in LA, it was getting really bad, to the point where I’m like, if I stay here, I’m going to die. So I decided to move across country with my brother, back to the East Coast, where I’m from. I’m originally from Connecticut. So I stayed with my sister and moved to New York for a little bit at the same time.

Long story short, my now husband, who was my high school boyfriend, his sister was looking for me, or his sister said that he was looking for me throughout the years. She contacted me through Facebook. And so he was living in Maine and then came to see me in New York City. From there, I moved back to Maine. He had a stroke within the, yeah, it was from an accident, from planting trees, some random, imagine that.

So I come back, I’m back with my boyfriend from high school, and then he has a stroke. So that same time, I found out I was pregnant with our son. So he has a stroke. I’m pregnant. Anyway, have the baby, obviously not really drinking during that time, until I stopped breastfeeding. And then that’s when the drinking started again.

So I was a stay-at-home mom, felt pretty isolated. Kind of carried my bartending days into my marriage. Not really such a good thing to do. But it became more of addiction at that point, where I was waking up in the morning wanting to drink. I was hiding alcohol. The last straw was me at a family gathering on our anniversary, which was on August 17th. And I drove home with a bottle of wine with my son and my stepdaughter in the car. And at the time, my son I think was four and my stepdaughter was seven or eight. Nothing happened. Everyone was safe. But that was the last straw for me. I’m like, if I don’t quit, I’m going to kill someone or kill my kids. It’s not going to be good.

So I decided that next day that I’m going to be done with alcohol. I ended up putting my sobriety date as August 21st. So there was an AA meeting down the street from my house. I decided to walk in, which was probably the hardest decision of my entire life, because at this point, it has been a couple years where I was like, I know I need to quit. I would do these fad diets, I would be like, I’m going to do Whole30 because I don’t have to drink the whole month. It was like drinking evolved with my eating patterns. Or I would do a fast, kind of to help me stop drinking. But none of that really stopped the drinking. I would continue, and it would actually be worse each time.

So I went to AA every single day for a year. At that time I met a girl, her name was Allison, and she was doing these bootcamps outdoors at like 5:30 in the morning because it was still late summer, early fall. It was still light out early. So I would meet her at 5:30 in the morning and then I would go to straight to my AA meeting. So we got into running, I started doing a lot of races. I would do 5ks, half marathons, 10ks.

And she ended up getting a personal training job somewhere else. So I was like, what am I going to do? My workout partner is gone. It just so happens a gym opened up across the street from the AA meeting. And so I went there, I took group classes at 6:00 AM, and then would go to the AA meeting. And from there, they were looking for a front desk person. And so I decided to work at the front desk. And then my boss at the time, Hunter, who’s actually my business partner now, was like, “I think you would be a really good coach. Do you want to intern here?” I’m like, “Sure, absolutely.” So I started interning there. I got certified in nutrition, got my personal trainer cert, and it kind of just all morphed from there.

Paul Salter:

It kind of blew up from there.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah. Well, I was coaching in the gym for about four, almost five years before I went online. I think right before COVID hit, I saw that Jordan [inaudible 00:06:46] was doing an online mentorship. And the whole reasoning for doing the mentorship is because I wanted a business for myself, because my father passed away and left my mom when I was young, bankrupt, lost the house, three kids. So I was thinking, what if something was to happen to my husband? I don’t want to be left to not be able to take care of the kids.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, I love that.

Beth Feraco:

So that’s how that started.

Paul Salter:

I just cheer you, and just such kudos to you for turning so much grief and loss into so many beautiful gifts. That’s not easy to do, to say the least, and to really pull yourself out of that. So that’s phenomenal. I appreciate you sharing it. And I’m curious to dig deeper because whether it’s alcohol, food, another drug, binging Netflix, social media, there are so many ways today, more than ever, to numb ourselves, to avoid having to look within, take a peek under the hood, so to speak, to explore our emotions and our childhood. And what have you found in your own journey to be the easiest way, and I’m doing air quotes, for those of you listening, to start unpacking some of the root causes for those behaviors that are leading us further and further from how we want to feel?

Beth Feraco:

I feel for me it was to start working on something that’s holding you back. For me, it was alcohol that was holding everything back. I was still that 18 year old person that was in her forties. So getting rid of that one thing for me that was just numbing.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, yeah. That’s incredible. And clearly, you went all in. You asked for help, you got the support you needed. But there was a period of time where you recognized there was a challenge, there was an issue, alcohol was holding you back. What was the difference maker to truly help you have that courage to take the first step to ask for help?

Beth Feraco:

I think it was hitting that rock bottom for me, driving home and realizing that if I didn’t make a change, you know, you’re always one decision away from a different life. And I really had this strong feeling that if I was to continue, it would not be good.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, I appreciate you sharing that. That’s incredibly powerful. And I love what you said, we’re one decision away. And I hope for those of you listening, let that sink in for a minute. Because I’m a big believer, I’m looking at my whiteboard now. There’s a quote that says, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.” And you have that opportunity to create the life you desire by making one single decision. Very, very cool.

So one thing I’d love to get your perspective on, because you and I both feel very similar or speak very similarly about the topic of this all or nothing mindset, where it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. We can create, kind of building off of this, the life we desire, the diet we desire, the fitness program we desire. Yet with alcohol, things are a little different. So how did you start talking through that decision to arrive at a place, like it had to be cold turkey?

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, because I always tried to quit before and it just never worked. I always went back. So it was like, okay. And the thing is, there’s so much shame with the whole I’m an alcoholic thing. So that kind of held me back, too. I’m like, I know I need help, but if I walk into an AA meeting people, what’s the town going to say? People are like, will I see people that I know? But at that point, it’s like okay, I don’t care anymore because it’s my life that’s at stake. If I wasn’t to go in there, what other choice I’m going to have? No one’s doing any intervention here so I need to do it for myself. Even though I craved someone just to tell me to stop.

But I didn’t realize, at the same time I hid it very well. So everyone’s like, well, Beth is strong enough, she’s fine, she just likes to have fun. Meanwhile, I am dying inside. And I think what a lot of people don’t realize is you really don’t know what someone’s going through. It’s so true. People hide it very well. I did. I wasn’t going to the bars, I was at home. My husband owned his own business, or he was snowplowing, and we live in Maine so he’d be gone for days at a time. So here I am, I have small children, just drinking. It was just very lonely.

Paul Salter:

I can imagine. So I’m curious, it’s so neat to hear the full circle story of your high school boyfriend and then eventually years later becoming your husband. What role did he play in helping you not only take the first step to getting sober and starting to feel your best, but with the support and the accountability along the way?

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, he was just really supportive. He was like, “I’m really glad you’re making this decision.” He was kind of an enabler at the same time, but only because I think he felt some guilt about me being home a lot, staying with the kids, and being like, “Oh yeah, okay, I’ll get you some wine on the way home.”

Meanwhile, I’m just also hiding it from him. I would buy my own and then tell him to get me some on the way home. So he just wanted to make sure that I was happy, really. But he is definitely very glad that I am not doing what I was doing anymore for sure. We’re in definitely a lot better place.

Paul Salter:

That’s wonderful. And how, I’m just curious because I’m thinking from the perspective of the listener, so many women I speak with, and I’m sure you get this all the time too, they don’t feel they have the support from their significant other to start changing their life from a nutrition, health, fitness, maybe even a complete lifestyle perspective. So how did you start initiating the conversation, like, “Hey, this is not working for me. I feel like shit, or X, Y and Z. I need to change. This is what I need for you.”

Beth Feraco:

I think communication is huge. And then just asking him for his support. And I was like, “For now, do you mind not drinking?” He wasn’t really a drinker anyway. If he drank it was because I was, and so he never drank at home. Still, he doesn’t drink at home, if he does, which is rarely. So he’s very supportive in that aspect. And I think that just me being communicative with him really helps.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, I love that, because you’re also one conversation away from changing your life. And again, conversation sounds simple, it’s easy. And I mean, you’re listening to someone speak right now, for the first 30 years of his life was incredibly emotionally repressed. Did not ever communicate his emotions until one day it blew up in his face. So I get that.

But now, gaining the experience, having those hard conversations, they lead to so many beautiful things. So for those of you listening to the conversation, that decision really can dramatically alter the trajectory of your life. So I appreciate you sharing that.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, they can’t read our minds. Although I think if someone’s on a health journey, a weight loss journey, a lot of them are like, “Well, he should know.” Well, actually no, you have to actually really be vocal. Like, “Can you please not order takeout every night,” or, “I am really trying to work on this,” instead of expecting them just to know what you’re going through.

Paul Salter:

I’m so glad you said that because just thinking of the conversation to have, like, “Oh, I told him I’m on a diet,” what does that mean? What are your goals? What do you need? What do you not need? Have that conversation. Communicate.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, it’s huge.

Paul Salter:

So I’m curious too, because you said there was a chapter of your life where your husband’s away working a lot of the time and you are that stay-at-home mom who is very isolated. How important was finding that gym community for you to really serve as a catalyst to start making some positive healthy changes?

Beth Feraco:

Oh, it was huge. It was huge. What I would do, I knew he had to be at work at eight and I made sure that I got my workout in before he left for work. So that meant going to the classes at 6:00 AM and then I needed to go to my meeting. So then I would go to my meeting from 7:00 to 7:45, sometimes 8:00, be at home, and I’d be ready to conquer the day. So I had to work around his schedule, which at the time was needed because I needed to get what I needed to do for myself. And so he needed to work, and it worked out. Obviously our schedules are different now, but yeah.

Paul Salter:

And so it’s safe to say that just having that, first of all human interaction, but then the community feel really filled your cup up to start the day so you could then better pour into your loved ones and what you cared about?

Beth Feraco:

Absolutely. Yeah.

Paul Salter:

Yeah. And even from the AA perspective, tell me more about how that shaped your journey from a point of, okay, I’m not alone, I’m seen, I’m heard. How did that really alter your ability to get those results?

Beth Feraco:

Just meeting other like-minded people, because alcoholism is very isolating. You feel like no one else feels the same way I do. And I think just going somewhere that everyone felt the same way, you’re like, wow, I’m really not alone. That really helped, and having that community. And then also going to group classes, meeting other moms, other stay-at-home moms, other working moms, that helped tremendously. It’s like you have that support. Rather than being alone, isolated, then you have support.

Paul Salter:

Yeah. Beautiful. I’m so happy to hear that. And I want to kind of pivot our conversation now. So in my mind, one of the things you are best known for is just calling out all of the bullshit on the internet in the health and fitness industry. And I would love to know why is that so near and dear to you?

Beth Feraco:

Because there’s so much bullshit out there. Oh my God, it’s insane. And it makes me sad, because really, health and wellness and losing weight and becoming your best self, it really comes down to the boring basic shit. Boring, basic, so boring and basic that no one believes you when you say it. I just, there’s just so much noise, and I am so passionate about it because I was one of those people that believed all that. I was an avid supplement buyer. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on unnecessary supplements. I mean, my husband’s like, “What are you buying now?” I’m like, “Oh, just this [inaudible 00:16:52] that promises this.” He’s like, wow, okay. 

And now, knowing, putting in the work and educating myself, realizing that, wow, I really just didn’t need 99% of that stuff that I bought. So that’s where I think there’s a little bit of me, when I’m trying to help people. It’s like I know what you’re doing. I know what’s happening here. You don’t need to do that. I want to save you here from experiencing and losing thousands of dollars on this unnecessary stuff.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, the financial expenses. But then there’s also the emotional expenditure, the mental, and then of course the physical, if you’re stuck regaining or making the same mistakes because you bought supplementary diet plan A, B, and C that gave you three days of results and three years of heartache.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, yeah.

Paul Salter:

I get that. So on the topic of sustainable results in health and fitness, what are two, maybe three of the most common mistakes you’re still seeing people you work with make today when it comes to achieving sustainable results?

Beth Feraco:

Focusing on the scale, letting that derail them. Being afraid maybe of strength training and getting in the gym. A lot of women, I feel like it’s very intimidating for them. Doing excess cardio. Focusing really more on doing as much as you can exercise wise, but really not focusing on the nutrition.

I think those to me are pretty huge scale. Over exercising, and really comparing yourself to others, and always searching for the next best thing. Even I have some clients now that are still, and it’s hard, they’re watching TikTok and they’re like, “What do you think of this?” I’m like, “Lemon water and what? Why are you even looking at this stuff?” So it’s just really comparing and just overanalyzing.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, so well said. It’s interesting too, from your and I perspective, obviously we want to get in front of as many people as possible, but there’s the Joe Schmoes and so-called nutrition gurus who, saying, “Do three sets of 10 repetitions for exercise A, B, and C over and over isn’t sexy, it doesn’t sell”.

But when someone does a single legged [inaudible 00:19:13] ball overhead press into a squat jump, that’s exciting. That gets the views and the clicks on social media, as does following the carnivore diet or doing what the Liver King recommended for however long until he finally got ousted. It’s a shame from our perspective, who care so much. And that’s one of the many things I admire about you, is you do such a wonderful job because cutting through the bullshit. Like, here’s wrong with this, here’s what you need to do. And you’re such a champion in the department. So thank you for that.

Beth Feraco:

Well, thank you. Yeah, there’s a lot of noise out there.

Paul Salter:

There absolutely is. And now of course with the title of… Oh, go ahead. One more.

Beth Feraco:

I was going to say fear sells. Fear sells. It’s crazy. It’s like you can say that is bad and that is bad. People are like, “Yes, you’re right, I’m never eating that again.” It’s like they need rules. I feel like people want to follow rules. You have to be either no or yes. There’s no in between.

Paul Salter:

Why is that? Why do you think that?

Beth Feraco:

Rules are easy to follow, but with our diet, there should be guidelines. But rules? I think when you have rules, people think it’s easier to stick to the plan. But what happens when you don’t stick to the plan? That’s when the yo-yo dieting thing comes in. It’s like, okay, let’s do keto. I’m not going to eat this, I’m not going to eat that. And then they see this little shiny donut that they’re also known as not supposed to eat, and then they can’t stop eating it. And so finding that balance is really hard for people. So when you have rules, it may seem at the time that it’s easier to follow those.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, I agree. I’m curious if you’d agree with this. I think a lot of the issues, too, where people get stuck in that pattern of following a hard restrictive set of rules and then not following anything is there’s a lack of ownership. Going back to what we shared earlier, if we’re creating the life we desire, then we can create the rules of the game, or we both like the word guidelines instead. If we create our guidelines that are unique to us, they’re simple, they’re flexible, we can achieve the sustainable results, rather than outsourcing everything to somebody else, especially all the bullshit coaches on the internet.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, I agree totally.

Paul Salter:

Now I of course have to ask, with the title of the show that we have here being Screw the Scale Radio, how do you recommend to start coaching someone through improving their relationship with the scale? The scale truly sets the tone for the day for somebody. How do you start walking them through that?

Beth Feraco:

This is also, it depends. Everyone’s different. Some people at first shouldn’t weigh at all. Maybe if you’re letting the scale get to you, if you’re sabotaging, if you really can’t see it for what it is at the moment, then let’s just take it away. Because you’re not going to be like, “Well, I can weigh once a week.” No, because what if you weigh in a day that your weight spikes? Let’s just weigh day one and day 30.

And then I have those that let’s say, okay, nothing is changed until it’s [inaudible 00:22:06]. So we’re going to learn, we’re going to walk through, this is how this works. I think people have never been taught that the scale is a piece of data. And so we’re still learning, unlearning, I should say, from Weight Watchers days and Jenny Craig, and the seventies were the fastest you lose weight, you see that scale go down. That’s awesome. But no one ever knew what the wrong part of that was. No one ever explained the science behind it, the weight fluctuations.

So tracking your weight daily and putting it in an app like Happy Scale, so you could see the overall trend. It’s like, yeah, you could see the squiggly lines are going down, that means you’re in a deficit. Squiggly lines are going up, probably going in the surplus. But we look at it over time. It’s not like the day to day, because it’s always going to fluctuate. And just because you gained weight on the scale one day and you were low the day before and you gained it the next day, it doesn’t mean it’s fat. I think people have a hard time recognizing fat gain and scale gain are two different things.

Paul Salter:

Why does the number go up on the scale? What are some of the most common reasons?

Beth Feraco:

Let’s see, hormonal, stress, salt, carbs. Let’s see, what else? Poo, extra poop.

Paul Salter:

Absolutely. For those of you listening, listen to this twice. Scale gain is not the same as fat gain. Even if you, as I like to say, ate like an asshole yesterday and the number was higher on the scale, you didn’t just put on five pounds of fat. You’ve got, just like Beth said, more carbs. There’s poop backed up. There’s just more in your digestive system. You don’t need to have a full blown freak out and go slash your carbs by 300 or your calories by a thousand.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah. Yeah.

Paul Salter:

So how do you talk people off that ledge?

Beth Feraco:

Ooh, how do you talk people off that ledge? I’m trying to think of a situation. I coach, group coaching now. We usually go over this. I will bring on my stats and we will have a whole full-blown science. Let’s bring out the slides here. And actually we just had this topic in my group coaching where I brought out my maintenance scale weight when I was in surplus and a deficit. And I show them, it’s like, okay, this is over a course of three months, three different months over a course of a year.

And just really showing them, when you show them the data and they’re looking at it from outside, not being them, they can be like, okay, I understand that. It’s really walking them through it and putting them through the experience, I think, more than anything. I’m really having them track that. And also paying attention to photos and measurements. Those are going down. Then you are losing fat. If your photos are different, look at that. And they have all that data collected. They can look at it objectively, rather than just having that scale just to focus on.

Paul Salter:

There you go. And how often do you recommend your clients take the photos and the measurements?

Beth Feraco:

Photos usually once a month. Measurements can be anywhere from two to four weeks, once every two to four weeks depending. Yeah.

Paul Salter:

Okay. So circling back to one of your other reasons that so many people are not achieving sustainable results was speaking to women specifically, it was that kind of fear and intimidation in the gym specific to strength training. If someone listening right now is just really picking up what you’re throwing down, they’re hesitant to go in the gym, they don’t know what to do, or they know strength training has many benefits but they don’t know how to get started, what are some of those steps you recommend?

Beth Feraco:

The best thing to do, I just actually made a video about this today. Someone was really scared to go into the gym. And I think maybe just going into the gym and getting on the treadmill and assessing the situation, becoming comfortable with the surroundings there. You don’t have to necessarily jump right into strength training. Become familiar with the surroundings, talk to coaches that are there.

Also, what helped me was starting group coaching classes because you’re not throwing right going into the deadlifting, but you’re getting used to movement with weights. You’re meeting other people. I feel like a lot of the times people think that their fitness journey is going to be perfect from the start, but it morphs and changes as you grow as a person and in your fitness. I didn’t start off deadlifting. I started off doing group coaching classes, and from there I was like, I really want to get better at strength training and really build more muscle. So I at that point found a coach.

And you learn from other people that teach you and program for you. Therefore, you have a plan, you’re walking into the gym with a plan, and you don’t feel like you’re just free balling it through the gym, not knowing what to do. Don’t underestimate the power of hiring a coach for sure.

Paul Salter:

Ask for help.

Beth Feraco:

Ask the coaches at the gym that are there to show you the equipment.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, I agree. And it’s funny, I was thinking back [inaudible 00:27:19] you said, I think the very first exercise I did was probably bicep curls in high school. That’s the vanity, young little boy in me.

I love what you said about the treadmill and assessing the situation. Because even for me, when traveling and going to a new gym, there’s just a different energy. And it can be, especially some of these gyms, I’m a member of Crunch Fitness, these things are fucking gigantic. They’re old grocery stores, and walking in, if you’re new to the health and fitness world or the gym space, that can be overwhelming and intimidating. So I love, get on a treadmill or elliptical, scan the environment, get a little more comfortable.

But even if you’re not asking for a coach, you’re not ready to hire a personal trainer, ask the front desk staff to walk you through, show you around. Get comfortable with where the locker room is, the group fitness room, the dumbbells so you can really focus on just feeling more at ease and more at peace there. And then you can let some of that conscious choice come into play and you can go do whatever it is you want to do for the day.

Beth Feraco:

And I think a lot of people don’t realize that we’re all beginners at something at some point. No one went to the gym knowing what the fuck they’re doing. I didn’t. So be okay with being a beginner. Make it exciting for yourself. Okay, this is something new. I’m going to try to get good at this. Don’t go in it thinking it’s so daunting and scary and intimidating, because every single person that’s in that gym was you at one point.

Paul Salter:

And for those of you listening, too, who might even have the background, it’s still A-okay to ask for help. Coming from someone, myself right now, who has a long list of credentials in exercise and fitness, I hired a personal trainer to help me stretch six months ago. And I know how to stretch but I wasn’t doing it, I wasn’t doing it well. And I have learned so many new things about my body and how it can move and how to stretch it. And I went in with just that beginner’s mindset, like you mentioned. And my life is so much better as a result because I asked for help. I put my ego aside.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I hired someone to program my workouts for me. I don’t want to do it myself. And I’m learning more by having someone else program for me rather than programming for myself. Because strength training and coaching in that aspect has never been my … Nutrition is it for me. So strength training is usually the second. I don’t focus so much on my strength training knowledge as I do nutrition. So I am going into this learning more myself by hiring someone else.

Paul Salter:

I love that. And you get to then better help those you work. It’s a win-win situation.

Beth Feraco:

Mm-hmm, absolutely.

Paul Salter:

So let me ask you this. If you had to pick one, clearly, and a lot of people you work with, a lot of people on Instagram and TikTok, they need proper nutrition information. But once they get that foundation of appropriate and correct nutrition information, is it the mindset and the self-talk or more lack of emotional awareness and management that really gets them in their own way?

Beth Feraco:

Mindset.

Paul Salter:

Tell me more.

Beth Feraco:

We’re our own worst enemies, right?

Paul Salter:

Absolutely.

Beth Feraco:

I think a lot of people, they have to believe in their ability to succeed at something. You have these people that are, they’ll come to you and they’re super successful with their careers and everything else, but when it comes down to their health and everything, it’s on the back burner. I also think, and I’m going to switch this around a little bit, focusing on yourself, taking care of yourself needs to be a priority. And a lot of people don’t make it a priority.

Paul Salter:

What does self-care look like? What are some examples?

Beth Feraco:

Taking time for yourself and saying, “I’m going to go to the gym today and that’s okay.” You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. Why are you feeling guilty for going to the gym? Your kids need you. That’s fine. Your husband can take care of your kids. I’m just throwing this out there. I don’t know, your babysitter or whatever can take care of the kids for 30 minutes. Or even if you’re at home and they’re there, go down into the basement or wherever you have your little spot and just have time for you.

I mean, obviously there’s certain situations where that may be a little bit harder, but there’s always go in the bathroom, shut the door for 10 minutes, whatever you need to do. I used to take my son out and put him on me in my little carrier and walk the stroller. Do what you need to do just to get that time to yourself is so important. Stop scrolling your phone at night. Do something for yourself instead of that.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, I love that. I love that you said the word guilt, because many, many of you listening right now experience some form of guilt in asking to put yourself first or to make yourself a priority. And I heard a quote, I’m going to butcher his last name. It’s John Deloney or Delany, but he has this quote that says, “Choose guilt, not resentment.” So if you are fearful of asking for help or putting yourself first to go do something, go ask and live with the guilt of doing that. But don’t not ask, just sit there with resentment, because then you are bringing every single person around you down. You are a bear to be with or be around, and nobody wins. So keep that in mind.

And I also think it’s important, too, when you’re putting yourself first, you’re putting your workouts first, you’re going to the store, you’re meditating, reading, whatever it may be, you’re leading by example. You’re setting a great example for your children, your friends, maybe even your significant other if you guys aren’t quite on the same page with the lifestyle you want to live from a self-care perspective. You are leading by example, which brings everyone around you up to that next level.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, you’ll be a better parent for it, a better everything really. You’ll be a lot happier. I know I had a lot of resentment when I was drinking, and I never asked for help. I don’t think I got much movement in. But I was angry. I was always making sure that I blamed it on everyone else, but I wasn’t really taking accountability. The thing is, we are adults, we can make adult decisions, and that’s the thing, right?

Paul Salter:

Yeah. So for someone listening who struggles, they might say finding the time, you and I might say making the time for themselves, having gone from stay-at-home mom, hands full with the kids, to now running a fantastic business, serving so many people, still having kids, being a wife, how do you make that a priority, to take care of yourself?

Beth Feraco:

Always knowing that something is better than nothing. Because some days are different. Some days I can’t get it all in, but that’s okay because I know I made sure that I did something. If I can’t get my 10,000 steps a day in, I’m going to make sure that I at least try to take the dog out for a walk for at least 10 minutes. And I think it’s the all or nothing. And that used to get me, too. But now I know that something really is better than nothing, and not to let the fact that I can’t be perfect every single day derail me.

Paul Salter:

Are you someone who is, so for me, I’m very type A, very structured, systematized. Is that something that resonates with you?

Beth Feraco:

I’m a bit chaotic, but I do have to schedule my workouts or else I won’t get them done. So they were at 6:00 AM, but now things have shifted and I have to be okay with that. Now they’re at 8:45 AM. But I’m in charge of when I can put those in my day and I make sure that I show up for myself at those times.

Paul Salter:

That’s really good. You have to just go create it and make yourself care. Put it on the calendar. It is important. If you’re dropping your kids off, that’s on your calendar, or your work or meetings are on your calendar, have that meeting with yourself or your date at the gym on your calendar as well.

Beth Feraco:

It’s my non-negotiable.

Paul Salter:

I love that word. Yeah, those are so important.

Beth Feraco:

Non-negotiable. Got to get it done.

Paul Salter:

So if I’ve gleaned correctly, which I’m pretty sure I have, you can do hard things. That is you in a nutshell.

Beth Feraco:

You can do hard things.

Paul Salter:

What do you mean by this, and why is it so important for everyone to remember?

Beth Feraco:

I think because everyone has their own version of hard, but I feel like things that were hard for me seven years ago are not hard anymore. When you choose to do the hard thing, the hard things get easier, and then you’re doing harder things that you never thought you would do, and then those hard things become not as hard and then you keep leveling the fuck up.

So we can do hard things. We just don’t believe that we can because we don’t, as humans, we don’t want to do things that are uncomfortable. We want to be like, yay, let’s just sit on the couch and watch Netflix all day. But that’s not getting you anywhere really. Relaxation time is of course necessary, but not 24 hours a day. So it’s doing the hard shit. That’s what gets you to where you need to be and you just-

Paul Salter:

How do you constantly reevaluate whether you are doing the hard things or if you’ve let yourself slide?

Beth Feraco:

Once I become kind of complacent and bored, you just know. I know when it’s time to level up, or if I think something’s going to be uncomfortable, like ah, I don’t know if I want to do that, I’m like, okay, you need to do that then. You need to do that because that’s something that you’re trying to stay away from because it’s going to be hard. That means you need to do it. Like, I keep getting asked about guest speaking events and I’m like, “I don’t know.”

Paul Salter:

Do it.

Beth Feraco:

I don’t know. That’s so scary. But that means that I need to really just throw myself into that. That’s scary as hell. Don’t be afraid because you never know what’s going to come from something that you do that’s really fucking hard.

Paul Salter:

I like that you mentioned when you’re feeling a certain way or if you notice negative self-talk or doubt creeping in. Because all habits are composed of either a cure, a trigger, a routine, and a reward, and if you start noticing you feel uncomfortable, a knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, that’s a sign you’re on the edge of your comfort zone. That’s the feeling of being alive.

And we all know it’s the success, the magic is just outside of our comfort zone. So if you can begin to become aware when you feel that way and reframe that fear into excitement, now we can passionately pursue whatever that challenge is and then reap all of the rewards that are on the other side.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah. Like, you’re scared to go to the gym, own that, own it, and just walk in there and be okay with being scared. That’s a beautiful thing. You’re a human, you should be feeling, but you’re going to look back and be like, I fucking conquered that. There’s nothing better than looking back and saying, “I was so scared, and I did it.”

Paul Salter:

Yeah, it’s liberating.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah, it is. Absolutely.

Paul Salter:

And on that note, admitting you don’t know something, also very empowering, liberating, freeing, because then it opens up so much possibility.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah.

Paul Salter:

I love that. So my last question first, for someone listening right now who relates a lot to your story, they’re a mom, they have struggled to put themselves first. They’ve been stuck in the yo-yo dieting [inaudible 00:38:28] cycle. They may or may not have struggled with alcohol, as well. What is one piece of advice you would share to her to help her get out of her own way?

Beth Feraco:

Take that first step, whatever that is, just focus on one. Find one thing that you can do and do that one thing consistently. Just take that one action step, whatever that is for you in your life. Whatever you’ve been thinking about, just start. Just start. It’s not going to be pretty, it may be uncomfortable, but you just have to put yourself out there and just do the thing.

Paul Salter:

I love that, because you’re a decision or a conversation away from your best life.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah.

Paul Salter:

Beth, where can people go to connect with you to just see your awesome social content, learn more about you, and to work with you?

Beth Feraco:

Let’s see. You can find me on TikTok or Instagram as Beth Feraco Fitness. I also have a podcast that Paul was on called Cut the Crap with Beth and Matt. And if you’re interested in coaching, you can find me at bethferacofitness.com.

Paul Salter:

Simple congruency. I love it. And definitely check out Cut The Crap Podcast. They have outstanding guests, and you guys just do such a great job with your interviews. That was one of the things-

Beth Feraco:

Thank you.

Paul Salter:

When you were kind enough to have me on. The questions are a game changer. So definitely make sure you subscribe and listen to her and Matt’s podcast. Well Beth, thank you so much for joining me today.

Beth Feraco:

Thank you, Paul. It was awesome.

Paul Salter:

Yeah, it absolutely was. I appreciate you just being as vulnerable, real, and raw as you were.

Beth Feraco:

Yeah.

Paul Salter:

Well, everyone listening, thank you so much for being here. Definitely check out Beth on all of those social platforms and learn more about her on her website as well. And for those of you listening, if you found this episode valuable, do both Beth and myself a favor, share this episode with a loved one, family member, or friend to help them really get out of their own way so they can feel, look, and be their best.

And if you haven’t done so already, leaving a genuine rating and review on Apple Podcast or wherever you are listening to the show is always greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful rest of your day, and as always, screw the scale.

Beth Feraco:

Thanks, Paul.

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Paul Salter

Paul Salter is a Registered Dietitian and Founder of The 5% Way. Since 2013, Paul has worked one-on-one with nearly 1,500 men and women, helping them to collectively lose tens of thousands of pounds of body fat and keep it off for good. He’s also published nearly 1,000 articles, two books, and 175 podcast episodes (and counting) on all things related to our five core elements of sustainable weight loss.

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Micheala

Micheala is a Transformation and Community Success Coach. She specializes in bringing out the absolute best in you and helping you see that you already have everything you need to achieve the transformational results you desire. Micheala will be an incredible asset for you on your journey since she went through the process herself and has seen long lasting results.
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