7 Key Lessons from a Mom Who Lost 50 Pounds and Has Kept it Off for Four Years and Counting with Caelli Koehler
Head Coach Caelli is back on the podcast today to share even more wisdom she’s gleaned after spending more than a decade using restrictive, intense approaches to lose weight (which only led to more weight gain)…
Today, she’s sharing five life-changing lessons she’s learned throughout her five-year journey having successfully lost 50 pounds and kept it off for good!
If you have NOT listened to episode 249, it’s highly recommended so you can learn more about Caelli’s specific journey to losing 50 pounds and keeping it off for 5+ years.
Start listening now!
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How I Can Help You:
I help women over 30 lose weight and rebuild limitless confidence so that they never have to diet again.
To date, I’ve personally coached more than 1,500 women and helped them to collectively lose 10,000+ pounds of body fat and keep it off for good, while simultaneously empowering them with the education, strategies, and accountability needed to feel and look their best.
Hey, hey, hey. How is everybody tonight? Can everybody hear me okay? Good? Oh, good. Okay. I was hoping my Zoom skills are a little bit better tonight, so I think they’re getting pretty good. Let’s see here. We’ve got a couple more people coming in. Let’s start with some wins tonight. Kathy, you’re up tonight. What’s a win we’re celebrating?
So let me see if I can get off mute first. That would be a win in itself. Just feeling good, feeling like I’m not out of control right now with eating, and I’m getting there, so that’s a win for me.
Good. That’s awesome. Good to hear. Let’s see. Laura, are you able to share some wins tonight?
Sure, sure. So wins would be, I’m, I think, in week four of the diet phase. Things are going slowly, but they’re going in the right direction. And I’m not hungry and I have energy, so that’s all good.
Yeah, absolutely. That’s definitely good during the diet phases, lots of energy. Dave, are you able to share some wins with us tonight?
We had my [inaudible 00:02:47] a bottle to our little girl tonight. That’s a major win, because two weeks ago, she wouldn’t even take a bottle.
Nice. That’s awesome. I’ll get to it later, but I can feel your pain there with that happening. Absolutely. How’s the diet and everything going for you?
It’s going real well. Just real dialed in, real in the zone on things, thankfully. So hopefully, that can keep going for another three, four weeks.
Good. Good deal. I saw who I wanted to ask. Where is she at? Miss Bethany, are you able to chat with a win for us tonight? Maybe? Nope, she can’t tonight. She is a little preoccupied. That’s okay. Jana, I see you’re driving. Oh, just the chat box. Bethany, sure, yeah. Hit up a win, and I’ll say it to everybody. And while she’s working on that, how about you, Jana? Are you able to say a win for us tonight? Maybe? Safely?
All right. It’s hard to get off mute when you drive. It’s bad. Yeah, so this week, I actually made a Costco run, and I love Costco, like a bunch of you. Because you can get some really good healthy bulk items, that make meal prep a lot easier. So yeah, so for me, that’s a win, just mixing it up from the usual meal prep stuff. And just recently too, Michaela posted on Instagram some of her go-tos, so if anybody is looking for different ideas, there’s some good ones on there too.
Yes, absolutely. Yeah, those [inaudible 00:04:40] emails are definitely something that help you get right back on track real fast.
Awesome. Well, just a couple of quick housekeeping stuff… Oh, here we go. Bethany got me a win for tonight. So Bethany’s win for the day was getting in a super long, very much needed nap. Yes, those naps are absolutely a must. I’m glad that was able to happen for you today, especially with the little ones probably running around. So just a couple of quick reminders for housekeeping tonight. Paul is still out of the country, out in Thailand, gallivanting around enjoying his best life. If you need anything, anything at all, make sure you guys tag me or send me a private message.
I’d be more than happy to help you troubleshoot or just a vent or anything like that. Paul did try to work out some outreach messages today. He did have some good wifi. I think he’s going to try to go in and get out a couple more later this week, depending on his service. And then, second little housekeeping is just to remind you guys to utilize the Share Your Wins on Friday and the Accountability Check-ins for Sundays, just to help you really see the positive in your week with the Share Your Wins and as well as setting your week up for success on those Sundays.
And then, I have three shout outs tonight, and everybody is here, so I’m super excited. Let’s see. Where is she at? Denise, I wanted to shout you out today. So Denise is one of our newer members, and it was a little bumpy for her when she first got started with us in The 5%. But she has been making super consistent blueprint choices. She’s been cleaning out her cupboard, she’s been making a bunch of different blueprint friendly, tasty recipes, and she’s down eight pounds, just in switching up her diet and cleaning it up. And she’s been getting her movement in, despite a bunch of house projects that’s been going on. So big shout out to you, Denise, for all of your hard work there.
Then my second shout out tonight is to Lisette. She is in her diet phase, I think, what, week nine or 10 right about now, but killing it with consistency, workouts, prioritizing sleep and recovery, and also, not allowing that scale to really dictate a change in course. There’s fluctuations all the time with the scale, but you’re right on track with everything. And when we have a little freakout moments, you didn’t detour from the plan, you just stuck with it. So I’m super proud of you for that. And then, my third shout out was to Dave, struggling with baby and the bottles , that extra stress on top of your diet.
You’ve been killing it with steps and workouts and all those lunges. So hats off to you, Dave, for doing that, because that’s definitely unpredictable stress that probably came about during your diet phase. All right. Well, before we get started, do we have any questions about last week’s coaching call, regarding kind of any of those tips that I had went through? We had a lot of great feedback on the Slack channel about that, so I’ll just leave that out here for a couple of quick minutes. If we have any specific questions, go ahead and throw them in the chat before we get started. I’m just going to make a quick note.
All right, so it looks like everybody’s good to go. So tonight’s call is the second part of my coaching call series, kind of where I dive in a little bit deeper into some of the internal and external struggles that I faced during the past five years. The lessons that I plan on sharing with you guys tonight are geared more towards mental health, mindset shifts, and really just digging deep. And so, with each of these lessons, it’s going to be kind of like last week, sharing a relatable story with you guys about what provoked that learning lesson for me throughout my life. And for those of you that haven’t gotten a chance to listen to last week’s replay, it’s not a big deal, completely okay. Just make sure to go back and listen them to it. And these will make a little more sense in context with the diet timelines.
The first part was geared more towards nutritional hacks, that helped me along the journey, as well as just a little bit of mindset. But tonight is all about just those mindset shifts that really started to hit a nerve at certain points in my life. And so, I hope that, by tonight’s call, that you guys will gain a better understanding of what obstacles you guys could really face during your weight loss journeys, but also, to kind of give you that little glistening of hope that, yeah, it’s fucking hard that these obstacles will come your way, but you can totally manage it and push right on through those. So I’m going to go ahead and drop lesson number one in the chat tonight. Mental health. Your mental health needs to be a greater priority than the number on the scale.
So using your chat box, a question I propose to you is, what does it mean to prioritize your mental health? What does it mean for you? “Say no when something does not serve me.” Yep, Lisette, that’s a good one. We got a couple more popping in. “Putting myself first.” “Sleep and exercise.” “Diet,” Laura says. David, “Setting boundaries.” “And getting outdoor time.” “Doing something just for me.” “Being aware of parasympathetic nervous systems needs.” “First strung out on cortisone adrenaline.” Yeah, absolutely. So for me, it was acknowledging that there was an issue and seeking help and then, prioritizing me and actively working on what that was kind of was going on with me. And so, this… Sorry, let me fix my monitor. I feel like too much hand talking here. So this lesson really kind of resonated with me during my very first diet phase.
So if you guys recall, I had just had Hannah, six, seven weeks in postpartum. She was born in August. So I sat at the kitchen counter Googling my symptoms. I cried all the time. I didn’t want to do anything that I used to love. I snapped at everybody. I just hated myself. I hated who I was becoming, and I hated the type of mom I felt like I was starting to become. I was a person who didn’t find joy in anything, including my three week old, beautiful daughter, who was absolutely perfect in every way imaginable. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, and I was sad that I just didn’t have these joyful feelings that I thought a mother of two should have had after giving birth to my daughter. I didn’t have these type of feelings after Dylan was born, so I knew something was wrong. And I felt like something was wrong.
My husband started to notice and started to ask me, “What was wrong? What can I do to help you?” And every time he asked, my answer was always the same. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I just don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like the person I used to be. I don’t feel like the woman you married.” I was in a very dark place in my life. And so, it took me a long time to email my doctor. I think I drafted probably 10 emails before I finally hit the sent button, and he referred me to a therapist. Lo and behold, I had postpartum depression, and I knew what it was, but I never thought it could happen to me. I was naive to think that this could be what was wrong with me. And so, I really wanted to get better, and I really wanted to hone in on these emotions and to really, in a better term, activate them, kind of figure out what was going on.
And so, I sought out some counseling. I had a short stint on some medication, and I actively started putting myself and my needs first. And I finally started to feel like myself again. And I really attribute to working out, setting out time aside to do some self-care, to really help me begin to focus, again, on what it was that was important to me and to help me get over this postpartum depression. And so, during this time of diet phase number one, it was just before I had started, so it kind of bled into it. I really felt like I was drowning in every way imaginable. Overwhelming and powerful emotions just flowed through my body.
I was physically exhausted from nursing during the night and then, taking care of my three-year-old during the day. And looking back now at everything, there was no way I could have done diet number one with not having the mental fortitude to push on forward. And so, I sought help probably about maybe a month before I started diet phase number one. And so, I really took a good month of working on just gathering that mental strength and overcoming these personal hurdles before I dove into my diet phase. And so, this is where I wholeheartedly believe that your mind needs to be in the right place before you can really start to tackle anything external. You’ve got to find that mental strength in order to just conquer whatever it is you’re trying to achieve.
Any questions on lesson number one? Nope. Looks good. Okay, so let’s move on to lesson number two. Drop that in the chat. So lesson number two, perfectionism is the enemy to diet success. Perfectionism, I’ll repeat that again for all of our perfectionists out there, perfectionist is the enemy to diet success. So question to you guys, what is one way that is having a perfectionist mindset, how does it hinder you? All right. Huh, lots of one coming in. “How do I count the ways?” Danielle. Yes. Lisa says, “In the past, it’s prevented me from listening to my body and resting unscheduled.” Yep. “Failure keeps me from even beginning,” Drea. “I am not perfect. Oh, well, fuck it. It happens, “Laura. Denise says, “If I can’t be perfect, I’d rather not do it. So it becomes permission to just not even try.”
Yep. Dave, “An old mindset. Screwed up one meal, whole diet is wasted. Better just give up now.” Oh yeah, you’re you’re going to like this lesson. “There’s no room for grace,” says Bethany. “Constantly having to start over,” Danielle. Absolutely. These are all… Kathy says, “As a people pleaser, I want to do everything the right way.” You guys have said it great. Yep. My feelings on how it hinders me is I feel like it puts me into this little box. So if everything doesn’t go great in the box, it just explodes, and just, it’s all fucked up being a perfectionist.
So I kind of really started to learn this lesson during diet phase number two. So this was after I’d lost about 24 pounds with the diet phase number one, and my husband Andrew’s been mirroring my diet phases with me. “Let’s give it the full send.” These are the words that my husband and I have said to each other on many occasions during our dieting journey. “This is our code for going off plan.” “This is our code for eating like a fucking asshole.” I’m talking like whatever we wanted. It would be pizza, ice cream, you name it. We just gave it the full send. Go big or go home. And so, I was always the girl that started over on a Monday, every time with my diet. It was always. Something about a Monday always seemed just right. Why? Why a Monday? I have no clue.
But that’s just what I always did, ever since I can remember started dieting. And so, as Andrew and I started to diet together and I began to learn the importance of consistency over perfection, that’s when I really started to see the most progress. I started to get back right on track at my next meal, and I wouldn’t wait until that next Monday. And so, during diet phase number two, there was quite a couple of big full sends. We’d been dieting already for a little while. And so, I really had to start to let go of that ideation that I needed to be perfect, that my diet needed to be perfect every single time. And if I screw it up, well, then I threw in the towel. And so, I started to learn that my dieting needed consistency more so than it needed perfection. I needed to stop starting and stopping for weeks and months at a time, because consistency, that’s where the magic happens.
And I finally figured out that starting over on a Monday was not working, because I kept having too many start overs. I had more start overs than I had consistent days, because if I fucked up on a Tuesday and I started over that next Monday, I completely wasted six days, where I could have had solid consistency. And so, when I kept starting over on these Mondays and letting these fuck-ups just really ruin me, the scale always stayed stagnant. It’d go up a little bit, but it’d always stay like right here. And once I started getting right back on track after my slip ups and giving myself a little bit more grace, that’s where the magic happens. And that’s when that stagnant started to dwindle down and started to go in the right direction that I was looking for. And so, the takeaway that I’d like for you guys to remember with this is absolutely everything that Paul and I talk about, consistency is greater than perfection. Because if you count up all of your inconsistent days versus your consistent days and you’ve got an imbalance there, nothing’s ever going to happen.
So that would be my lesson number two for you guys. Moving on, lesson number three, we have, this one kind of hits a little home for me, and you’ll see why. Let go of the expectation that friends and family will always be supportive. So Paul kind of alluded to this the other day in Slack, but my question for you, what is something that a loved one has said to you, while you’re on your health journey, that hurt your feelings? How did you respond? This is where it gets deep and personal. So only share if you feel like sharing tonight.
We got a couple coming in. “Being dismissive of my weight gain or my struggle to lose the weight, because I am not as big or bad as they are,” Denise says. Yep. Danielle says, “I have to say, this is one error where I don’t let anything bother me.” That’s awesome. That’s really good. I wish that was me in the beginning. It is now, but not in the beginning. Dave said, “I had a coworker that I hadn’t seen in a few months, and she said, “Your wife must be a good cook. She is feeding you well.” All I could do was laugh it off.” Oh my gosh, people. Wow. Jana, “It was always about you. Nothing is ever good enough for you.” Yeah. Some of this stuff is so hurtful. Bethany says, “My mom is the queen.” Hold on. “The queen?” Let’s see where she is. “Of saying, “Imagine how that clothing item would look if you just lost 10 pounds or hopefully that it won’t fit it next year,” every time we’re shopping.” Oh, Bethany, I’m sorry. That’s horrible.
Yeah, these are just… People always say something. Someone once told me that I looked better with more fat on me. So that was fun. A lot of these hurtful comments really started to come out for me when I was doing diet phase number three and four. And just to recap, that was when I went back to work, working full-time, and I was getting closer and closer to my goal weight of about 130 pounds. “You look too skinny, not good.” “You’ve lost your boobs. Now, you’re kind of manly.” “You’re thin enough. Why are you still dieting?” “No, now, you’re starting to get too much muscle on you. Now, you really look like a guy.” And my old time favorite, “You looked better before your abdominoplasty.” These were some of the most hurtful phrases that I heard during my weight loss journey. And all of these were said to my face by my closest family and friends.
Everyone had an opinion about what I was doing, what I was eating, or not eating, for that matter of fact. My body and the changes that I was making was always a hot topic at almost every single family gathering. It was always brought up at one point during our time together. Funny thing though, nobody said shit when I was eating half the cake, drinking a bottle of wine every weekend, and munching out on Ruffles and french onion dip. Nobody said anything there. It was now that all of the experts in my families were coming out to tell me that what I was doing now was wrong, because they lost weight on keto, Atkins, X, Y, and Z, that I was eating too much protein or eating too many meals during that day. And so, everybody had something to say, and admittedly, sometimes their remarks sent me down into a very bad binging spiral.
It was awful. I can remember one comment made by my dad, who I don’t see very often, a couple of times a year, because he lives in another state. I was probably like 135 pounds. I was doing great with working out. And he is the one that made the boob comment. He was like, “You’ve lost so much weight. You’ve lost your boobs. You’re not very womanly looking anymore.” And that kind of hurt. As a daughter, I’m not seeking approval from my dad, but I was kind of shocked at the lack of support that I got from him. Because I was trying to change up my eating habits and doing so much better. And I can distinctly remember diving into food for comfort, just a family size giant bag of like M&Ms were gone like that. And Paul was still my coach at the time.
And so, I remember writing him my email check-in, feeling completely defeated, that I allowed my dad’s lack of support, lack of encouragement, and ultimately, I guess, praise completely derail me for that week. And when I typed it out on the email, I completely just was like, “This is so silly. Why am I allowing him to do this to me? Why am I allowing that lack of support and that lack of accolades really dictate how I feel?” And so, I know that people are cruel and people are mean and hurtful. I was a police officer. I know all of the sick things that humans do to each other. So why was I so shocked that my family and my friends were the ones saying these to me? Why was I allowing and being so upset about it?
I don’t have an answer for you. I still don’t to this day. I think part of me deep down is like you’re making all these great changes and you’re feeling great about yourself, and you’re just like, yeah, you’re wanting those family and friends who are supposed to be your cheerleaders, who are supposed to be in your corner, to be there, right there with you, waving the big giant flag saying, “Hell yeah, keep going.” But when that doesn’t happen, there’s a big giant letdown. And so, I have learned now to brush off those rude comments about my body, about the way that I eat, and about the way that I work out.
Sometimes I let it go and just brush it off and laugh it off. Other times, I say a really snarky and bitchy comment back, but either way, I am no longer eating giant bags of M&Ms because of it. And this lesson, when Paul and I talk about this lesson, I feel like there has been so much growth here, because everybody has something to say about whatever we’re doing. “You’re eating again.” Amy Kramer said that in one of her posts. People are always commenting about how you’re trying to better yourself. And so, if you can find ways not to let them dictate how you feel, dictate your emotions, and turn to that food for comfort, you are going to be golden and get through like this flying colors.
So quick question, I kind of said, I think it’s because there’s a little bit of you’re wanting praise and accolades from people who are close to you. Why do you guys think hurtful comments hurt worse from family and friends? “Because I know how supportive I would be for them. It hurts for the same support not being reciprocated.” Yep. I think that’s a big one too, Lisette. Absolutely. Dave, “Because they’re supposed to be the supportive ones and pick you up.” Yep. Yeah, I kind of felt like that too. Absolutely. It’s like, “Why would you be saying this?” “Because the expectation is that these are our people,” Bethany says. Danielle, “Because the expectation is that they should be our biggest supporters.” Yeah, absolutely. A hundred percent. And so, when it doesn’t happen, it just sucks, like you would think that it would.
And Jana says, “Because deep down, we want their why to be our why, and they should want the best for us.” Absolutely. Well, hopefully, we won’t have to deal with that forever. Now, as I’ve gone back to see my dad again, obviously he’s made some more comments, but not as harsh. And I’ve just been able to brush it off. And as I’ve started to consistently live this lifestyle, the comments are starting to become less and less, and it’s more of a joking matter. It’s like, “Oh, she’s bringing her food again. She’s not eating this. She’s not eating that.” And it is what it is, right? They’ll get over it. It’s their problem, not mine.
Lesson four, got five lessons tonight, there’s no room for excuses when it comes to conquering your goals. No room for excuses, guys. So for the question box tonight, what feelings come to mind when you’re thrown off your routine, when an illness or an injury hits? “Frustration,” Kathy. Yep. That’s on my list. Danielle, “Shit, now I have to start over.” I think you’re reading my mind. Denise, “Fear that my progress will be derailed.” Yep. Absolutely. Yeah, mine, I felt like defeat, frustration, like I’m starting over again. Janice says, “Scary. I’m going to gain the weight back.”
So this whole no excuses attitude for me… Dave, “That I won’t be able to hit my non-negotiables of lifting and steps.” That’s kind of where I’m going with mine. So my big no excuse attitude really ended at diet number two. I was just transitioning into maintenance. I was down about 39 pounds, and I broke my thumb in a freak accident at work. So I had snapped my thumb in just the right spot to tore a crucial ligament that did the gripping motion. It wasn’t doing anything cool. So I don’t have a fun story to tell you there. And I had to have surgery to repair it. And I was in a cast for eight weeks, and my thumb hurt, I just didn’t think I had broken it that bad. I almost didn’t even report it to my acting sergeant at the time. And so, I just finished my diet phase.
I’m going into maintenance. I’m super stoked that I had lost all of this weight already, and I broke my thumb, and I’m in a cast. And I’m right hand dominant. I was kind of like, “What the hell is happening here? I’m supposed to be doing all these great things with my diet and exercise and getting PRs in the gym.” And my daughter, she’s still sleeping in a crib. I was off and on nursing, transitioning to that bottle. And so many thoughts were running through my mind. “How am I going to care for my kids? How am I going to change a diaper, make a bottle, and get her out of the crib? And selfishly, how am I supposed to continue on this weight loss journey and maintain this weight loss if I can’t even get to the gym?” And so, after surgery, and this thumb injury was just a major pain in my ass.
I was in a cast for eight weeks, and it was a total major mental mindfuck. I had a lot of very defeating moments, and a lot of “woe is me” thoughts that just went through my mind like, “Oh, how could this happen to me?” Just that victim mentality. But I was so determined to stay on my path, and I was so stubborn as well. I wouldn’t let anybody help me with basically anything, so that I could figure my shit out. I had to find a way to take care of my kids, click and unclick car seats, change diapers, wash dishes, fold laundry, all on my non-dominant hand. And I still found a way to get my workouts in and be able to push myself just a little bit like I had before. So illnesses, surgeries, and injuries, I like to think of those as life’s funny little way of just giving you the giant middle finger, right?
“Hey, your life is going great. Fuck you. Now, you got a broken hand.” This totally sucks. And so, what I learned from this thumb injury, and ultimately, my abdominoplasty, is that your mind will seriously get the best of you and bring you down far worse than an illness or injury ever will. When I felt defeated, lost, and not in control, everything else seemed to just seriously fall apart. Everything else seemed to be so fucking hard. Like I said, I had that victim mentality. “This sucks. Woe my life, my little pity party.” But the moment that I really started to try to do things by myself, to do things to make things work, even if it wasn’t perfect, my mind really just started to shift. I would start thinking, “Well, the laundry’s folded. It doesn’t look great, but at least it’s folded.” And I’d be like, “Oh, okay. Well, I got my daughter out of the crib, and I only dropped her once. That’s better than twice.”
I’m kidding, guys. I didn’t really drop her out of the crib, but you see where I’m going with that. I really started to think, “Hey, no more excuses, Caelli. No more fucking bullshit. Get your shit together and get out there and figure out a way to get stuff done, because it’s not going to do it itself.” And once that little glisten of positivity and little glisten of hope really started to sediment in my mind, I felt like things started to get better. There was not so much doom and gloom anymore. This no excuses attitude, this no excuses mindset, it wasn’t easy. It was fucking hard. I had good days and I had bad days, but I never stopped trying to improve my circumstances whatsoever. I would do what I could with my left hand, my teeth, what little fingers I could use for the time being.
And eventually, all of that spilled over into the gym. I went to the gym, and I started just lifting with my left arm, biceps, shoulder presses, rows, whatever I could do. Worked out on the Smith machine with my legs, and eventually, I was able to load a barbell with one hand and squat with a barbell hooked over and get in there and get it done. I was a hot mess in the gym. People would always ask me for help, but I was more proud of myself that I was able to actually have this no excuse mindset and go in and get it done and just be like, “Hell yeah. This is better than sitting at home.”
And so, what I really want for you guys to take away, I know I have that type A cop mentality, and no excuses bullshit, but anybody can do it. If anybody can think to themselves, “What is better than nothing? What is better than just sitting here wallowing in my misery?” then you can pull yourself out of it and you can keep pushing forward. Because ultimately ,that’s the goal, is to get better despite what’s going on around us.
So my last lesson for you guys this evening, lesson number five, asking for help is the fastest way to achieving your goals. And so, I ask you this, what is one reason why you guys struggle asking for help? Because I know it’s been a hot topic on some of Paul’s other coaching calls as well. “Don’t want to burden other people.” Yep. Danielle, that’s a big one. “Pride,” Dave. Yeah, Jana says, “Kind of feels like a sign of weakness.” Okay. Kathy, “I feel like I am bothering others.” Yep. Those very valid feelings. Denise, “I’ve always been the one providing the help. It’s hard to ask for help myself.” Oh yeah, for sure. Lisette, oh, you guys are coming in fast, “I’m wired to rely on myself and figure it out.” Yep. I can see that one. Drea, “Don’t want to ask and have it unanswered.” Oh, that’s a good one. Bethany, Me too, “both a burden or feel weak.” Yeah, me, mine is just the need to feel like I can do it all, that persona of super mom, super cop.
And so, this lesson that I’ve learned and I’m still learning has been there throughout my entire dieting phases, but I feel like it really resonated the most, the last one with The 5% and a little one before that. So I’m fuming, I’m pissed. I’m irritated and annoyed. I’ve got two kids running around the house asking for snacks, and toys are scattered everywhere. The kitchen timer’s going off for meal prep. I’m just trying to get out to the door of the gym. It’s just another day in the Koehler household, a crazy hurricane of things to do, kids to parent, and my own life to live. My loving husband is just standing there watching it just unfold. He might as well be holding a bag of popcorn. No offense, Dave. Don’t get me wrong, he’s the most wonderful man. We are a great team, and he’s an amazing father, but he has just not mastered the art of knowing what I need.
He can’t read my mind. And so, I get pissed that he doesn’t realize that I need help. I want the help, and I need it, but I just haven’t asked for it. And I haven’t voiced that I need the help. I need it in order to make these wheels on our life bus keep turning. He thinks I’ve got it handled. He thinks that I’m super mom and that I’ll ask for, I need it. But little does he know I’m not going to ask for it until I completely break or fall to pieces, because I’m a stubborn individual. And so, ask for help, you guys. Ask for what you need from loved ones. Be specific, be kind, be appreciative. But above all, ask. You are only one human being, and you really just can’t do it all by yourself. Your wants and needs are equally as important as everybody else in your household.
And I understand that asking for help is going to look very different for each of you in your own individual family dynamics. For some, that could be hiring help, seeking help from in-laws, or asking friends, but find a way to open this line of communication, so that your needs can also be addressed. So when I tell you, “ask for help,” be prepared that there may be a little bumps along the way. And so, what I mean by this is, for my husband, for example, is that the greatest example that I can give for you is, when I first started asking for help from Andrew, it was a lot of household stuff, laundry, go to the grocery store, do X, Y, and Z. And so, his response was always “Make me a list.” Me being his wife, “No, I don’t need to make you a list. See what needs to get done. Get off your ass and do it, man. Let’s get this going.”
But that’s not how he operates. He is a man who likes lists. So in order for me to ask for help, I had to figure out how to help him help me, and so, I had to find that happy medium, find that compromise, that, if I want help, my husband needs a list and I give him a list and he gets it done. So just take that into consideration that, when you are asking for help from other people, they might need a little help in helping you, if that makes any sense to anybody. I see Dave nodding over there. Yeah. Well, good. I’m glad that resonated just a little bit. So to kind of sum it up for you guys tonight, the five lessons I just really want you to kind of remember, these are things that I just learned through my life during the course of these dieting phases.
They’ve always been there, but they weren’t really sedimented until I really started working on my own personal development. And so, number one, mental health needs to be a great priority, way, way better than the number on this scale. Number two, perfectionism, it’s the enemy to diet success, period. Number three, let go of the expectation that friends and family will always be supportive. Number four, there’s no room for excuses when it comes to conquering your goals. And number five, asking for help is the fastest way to achieving those goals.
So that’s all I got for you tonight, you guys. Do we have any questions or need me to clarify anything? Nope. I got lots of nos going there.
This is really good, Caelli. I like this.
Oh, good. I’m glad. I was trying to think, when I was doing this second call, besides nutrition tips, what other shit did I go through that really threw me for a loop? And my biggest one was the lack of family support and the perfectionism. If you take anything away today, those, I think, are my biggest ones, because I find food as comforting when I get into my stressed out situation with family and friends. And so, when I let those things bother me, that derailed my success. And always being a perfectionist, always starting over, once I got over that, that’s where I also found success. So those were like, I feel like, are my big two ones.
Yeah. I think that I struggle with the perfectionism as well. It’s just in my personality, ever since I was younger, that type A personality, older kid syndrome type thing. So yeah, it’s nice hearing that. I kind of knew that from all the chats and Slack and stuff, but it’s nice hearing you say that in this call that you also struggled with it and what you did to overcome it.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s a work in progress. I can even remember Paul and I, we talk about the coaching call and the dieting phases, that I would send him emails like, “Oh, my diet wasn’t perfect,” or “This diet’s going to be perfect.” And rereading those, it’s like, “Gosh, no, man, nothing’s perfect. Let’s just aim for consistency and see what happens.” That’s literally where the magic happens. All right. Well, I’ve got nothing else. If no one has any other questions or anything, I think we’re good to go. A little shorter one today.
Thanks so much.
All right, you guys. I like that, Jana. That was cute. Me and my daughter do that every night before bed.
Good night. Thank you.
Bye. Take it easy.
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